Le Super-Tired

Le Tour de France has begun!
Simon Gerrans was a surprise omission from Sastre's squad (methinks he was jealous of Gerrans' stage win in the Giro), but apart from that (oh yeah, and Contador's inclusion in Lance Armstrong's squad), it is ALL good.
Yes, EVERYTHING is good.
Oh - and Thomas Dekker getting done for taking EPO, despite not being on Cadel's team when the infraction occurred.
The time trial in Stage 1 around Monaco was great, with our man Cadel hangin' in there only 5 seconds behind Contador and Cancellara taking out a great win. Due to going out on Saturday night, I didn't see this until 5am, and, needless to say, Stage 2 was then tough to watch last night.
But that's ALL GOOD.
Because the Tour is back.
Bon chance, all!
Oh yeah, plus Allan Davis getting told to "Go Home" when Tom Boonen was brought back into his side was harsh, Quick Step, very harsh.
But it's ALL GOOD.
Note: If Contador wins a stage and does his finger pistol thing (instead of, say, pointing at his cock), I will punch the cushions on my couch SO hard.

Oh, when the Saints Go Over There!

My lack of things to rant about didn't last long. Just found out that Raph Clarke has been named in the Saints squad to play Geelong on Sunday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
I was actually trying to search the net to see if Saints champion Matt "Goose" Maguire had finally been named to play with the seniors this week. I was virtually convinced that, with Max-y Hudghton out, Maguire would finally get recalled.
Instead, I read the bone-chilling news that all-round lower-case goose Raph Clarke had instead been given the job.
The only thing that guy has ever done right was be Xavier Clarke's brother. It's all been downhill since then. Whilst watching a game recently with fellow Saint, Joey Jo Jo Junior (Shabadoo), we agreed that it's a miracle that St Kilda can win any game whilst Raph Clarke is out on the field. When he's out there, it's like adding another player to the opposition's team. We could be 20 goals up, but if Raph Clarke then steps foot on the grass, it could all go Benjamin Button.
And before you think I'm being harsh, check out this, and this and this. That's right - I can selectively link to stuff to show I'm just part of the herd (although his 6 clangers from 7 disposals against North in Round 11 earlier this year speaks for itself).
But even putting Raph Clarke to one side, we've gotta get the Goose back out there. The guy's a dead-set legend (plus he's been a gun at Sandringham lately), and if we don't he may go to a team that actually gives him a game.
I'm not sure if the Saints coaching staff read this blog, so I just might need to put something in writing to them. They love advice like that.
Note: If Raph Clarke gets out on the paddock and plays well on Sunday, this post was a gag. Y'know - "Just messin' with ya, kid, you're all right!"

Because I said so

No rants today, just some stuff I like (I'm getting soft - I actually like stuff!)
First - great song, with Bears:

Seeing these guys on July 27th at the Hi-Fi Bar. Sweet.
(If you're interested, there's a good explanation for the meaning behind the lyrics here. That rilestar guy blows my mind.)
Second, and in relation to some other stuff I posted a while ago, a classic Star Wars, SNL, O.C. mind-meld:

And that's all I've got for now. Put your feet up, relax. There's plenty of time for proper ranting later.
In the meantime, July the Second be with you (it works better on May 4th).

Who's Chasing the Chasers?

Borat apparently.

Anyhoo, my recent sojourn meant I missed ranting about The Chaser's naughty episode a few weeks ago.

I actually didn't see that episode, the third in the series I think, mainly because the first two hadn't really been that funny.
Suffice to say, I also didn't think that the dying kids "sketch" was funny ... or necessary ... but I also have the exact same opinion about censorship. If someone makes a joke about dying kids and people are appalled and don't watch any more, as many wowsers who probably weren't watching before have said they will not, then the show will die a natural death and the market will have spoken. No need for the ABC to get all antsy/auntsy, and start firing people and pulling shows off the air.
Someone needs to tell them: "They're only wowsers, Aunty" (except for the people who have actually lost kids to a bad sketch (or whatever, I didn't see it, go ask your father)).

Anyhoo, the 2 week break seemed to do them some good, as I thought their first episode back from exile was eeeexcellent, Mr Burns'-style, much better than the dross they were serving up previously (be interesting to see how they go in tonight's episode).
A gem I thoroughly enjoyed was their lampooning of the Catholic Church's claim that excessive wealth is a sin:

Which brings to mind another recent event involving the Catholic Church, when the Victorian Supreme Court held that the finance arm of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd was "harsh, unreasonable and unnecessary" when it kicked some guy out of his home and sold his home out from under him.
They didn't need to - they were going to get their cash anyway - so I guess they just wanted to.

Ahhhh, Catholics. You guys* are Hilaaarious!

* Disclosure: I am nominally one of those guys, if you believe baptism scars a person ad infinitum.

Madden-ing

Last week, the Honourable Justin Madden, Minister of Planning for Victoria, wrote an article in The Age "Opposition to a bigger Melbourne smacks of cultural snobbery", in which he railed against cultural elites, claiming only he had the knowledge and power to determine what was right for Melbourne.

I took umbrage, as did many others including Michael Leunig, and wrote him the following:

"Dear Mr Madden

I recently read your article "Opposition to a bigger Melbourne smacks of cultural snobbery" and thought that, since you basically represent the people of Victoria when it comes to planning issues, you might like to hear my diatribe in response to your own diatribe.

First, apart from the standard (and lame and lazy) tactic of accusing anyone who disagrees with them of being a latte-sipping, champagne*-swilling "cultural snob" (presumably because said antagonist might have a University degree and some intelligence), since when did the childhood experiences of one politician suffice for a justification of Government policy?

You also state that "Planning policy should be about the aspirations of individual Victorians." Really? I aspire to have an iPhone - is the Victorian Department of Transport going to help me out with that?

Instead, shouldn't planning policy be about ensuring that the city of Melbourne, indeed - the State of Victoria, operates in the best way for Victorians as a whole, irrespective of individual aspirations?

An idea I've been trying to put forward for a while - and I'm pretty sure I stole it from someone else, so I know I'm not the only one - is that the Government should start putting money into our regional cities, like Ireland apparently did with cities like Galway. The fact is, Melbourne is sprawling - it's a-sprawling! - and the planning answer shouldn't be "newly arrived people should have a choice to live on the city fringes". By all means, provide more services to the city fringes, but someone has to draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough. In fact, someone did do that: your Government, with the "Melbourne 2030" planning boundaries your Government now wants to get rid of.

The Government should realise that it is unsustainable to simply let more and more people move into Melbourne's surrounding countryside. In particular, where are these people going to get their water? And no-one has been fooled into thinking that removing Connex will fix the public transport system.

An obvious alternative is to invest in Victoria's regional cities - especially ones that can be self-sustaining. I'm thinking here of cities or towns on or near the coast, which can get their own water supply going. Since you also seem fond of making policy decisions on the basis of looking at a map, an ideal candidate would appear to be Wonthaggi. Assuming the Government's other bad policy of installing an enormous desalination plant near Wonthaggi gets up, Wonthaggi will have a great water supply right next door. Rather than burning more coal to pipe that water to Melbourne, how much easier and more efficient to pipe it to Wonthaggi a few kilometres down the road? Get some jobs and infrastructure going down there, and similar places, and you've got yourself a sustainable and popular planning policy."

I forgot to mention to Justin that, while he may have his Airport West experience to identify with the proletariat, my great-grandfather, from a mining family in the area, was killed in a drunken fight outside a pub in Wonthaggi. That's cred.

But for now, I'm thirsty, so I'm going to get myself a latte.

* Since it's now illegal to refer to any sparkling wine as "champagne" unless it comes from that particular region in France, I reckon we should start calling our sparkling "shampain". Different as. Spread the word.

Stating the obvious

So, Connex is no longer in control of out trains, having lost the contract. Whoop-dee-doo, exclamation point.
Don't get me wrong - Connex was lame as, and had to go. But, as many people have been pointing out, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad latin, Melbourne's public transport won't be fixed by simply replacing the operator. The Victorian Government is the one really at fault, and those involved will no doubt be hoping that the Victorian public will (a) think they are improving things, rather than (b) punish them at the ballot box.
Fat chance.
It's (b) time.
As RMIT transport academic Paul Mees was reported to have said, the operators were not the problem: "While Connex and Yarra Trams will be no loss, replacing them while leaving the system of privatisation intact will change nothing..."
"The real problem is . . . that nobody is in overall charge of our rail system; nobody is accountable for its performance. Changing the brand name on the sides of the trains and trams won't fix any of these problems."
The sound-biteable Mr Mees is actually a critic of privatisation, bless him, and that's where the problem really lies, but as I've said before - the Government wants to be a step removed from running the public transport system, so they have their "plausible deniability", unquote (I know I already unquoted, I do what I want).
Even worse, although it's common knowledge that the Victorian Government LOVES roads and HATES trains, I had no idea that the Department of Transport, to trick people into thinking that it is independent and objective, simply makes shit up so that rail looks almost as expensive as roads.
If any of you political hacks actually involved in this decepticonation are reading this, just to confirm your own suspicions of self-loathing, you suck SO hard.

I was going to start on the Government's failure on the water stuff, but I'm tired.
Oh, so tired.
Newsflash: Government sucks on water stuff. More to come.

The Twits

OK. I've been offline for a while, and, no, it's not because I've been in hiding after my Last Post, and, yes, it's because I've been boycotting the blogosphere whilst The Sirmarco Letters were also offline*.
But The Sirmarco Letters are back up and running, and I haven't been taking my Rant-Acid tablets, so it's time to LET LOOSE.
I've saved up a rantastic amount of bile, and will commence placing said bile on the interwebs very shortly.
In the meantime, against my better judgment ("you mean there's BETTER judgment?!?!"), I've finally jumped onboard the Twitter-Wagon as a means of mini-tweeting my Rants. Well, mini-tweeting, anyway. Check it at https://twitter.com/rilestar.
rilestar out
*No, it's not. It's probably due to a predilection for procrastination...but I don't have time to work out the reasons at the moment. Maybe later. Boom-boom.