Cadel Comedown...or is it?

So, as predicted by this blog (what were the odds?!?), Cadel won the Tour on Sunday - the First Australian to do so. Exclamation Point!
So now the euphoria has died down..wait a minute...the euphoria hasn't died down at all!!
This is still Totally Awesome!!!
Even the New York Times reported his win!
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!! Oui! Oui! Oui!
There were many questions about whether this was the greatest victory by an Australian sportsman ever, and I've gotta say I'm firmly in the "Yes" camp. I've watched pretty much every stage of the Tour for the last five years (barring two weeks last year when I stupidly booked a two-week holiday in Bali in July 2010 - what was I thinking?!?), so I think I was due a Cadel Victory after all that effort I put in.

Greatest moment of the 2011 Tour? Well, there were many. I recall Dave McKenzie saying years ago that every winner of the TDF has really stamped his authority on the race at least on one stage, and Cadel’s win on stage 4 up the Mur-de-Bretagne was clearly a stand-out (especially since he was at the back of the peloton with bike problems and 20km to go, and then he got to the front AND beat Contador BUT Contador claimed the win even though he DIDN'T - all GOLD with a capital G...and O, L and D).
Cadel was clearly a contender from the very beginning, continuously trying to keep himself at the front, and even stealing seconds or placings on such benign stages as stage 3 and 8. But then his efforts in the Alps were what really ended up ensuring he won the Tour.
A guy who really knows what he's talking about also called rilestar had this to say after the monumental stage 18:

"Ummm, @Brian 9:40am, not sure if you've been watching the same tour as me, but Cadel hasn't really been sitting on anyone's wheel...
He's attacked virtually from the beginning - coming second to Phillipe Gilbert on stage 2, winning stage 4, leading the main contenders up to Super Besse on stage 8, as well as the chase of Frank Schleck up to Luz-Ardiden and Andy Scheleck to Plateau de Beille, attacking with Contador and Sanchez on stage 16 into Gap, etc, etc.
In the super-high mountains he doesn't have the same acceleration as the Schlecks and Contador, but you could see last night that he still drove the main contenders in the chase of Andy Schleck, with everyone else sitting on HIS wheel.
I agree entirely with @Si 9:07am - I think his tactic was to watch Contador, mistakenly thinking that Contador and Bjarne Riis had some magical plan to turn things around on the final climb. By the time he realised that he was actually the strongest climber left in the main group, it was almost too late, and he had to do everything himself.
Which highlights the great tactics from Andy and Leopard.
If he can make time back on Andy and Frank tonight (knowing that Frank will probably attack tonight), he's in with a great chance. If he loses time, it may be all over...
Go Cadel!"

In the same comments section, Brett (who must now feel like a goose) stated "As tough as Cadel is , he is never going to win the tour, to win this race you have to attack in the mountians (sic), being a tempo rider and trying to claim the win with a good time trial is never going to cut it." Craig Schwartz rightly gave him a history lesson, reminding him that precisely such tactics helped Miguel Indurain win the Tour 5 times.
So yeah – Cadel didn’t win the Tour on stage 18 (that happened on Stage 20), but he ensured he didn’t lose it. Gimme an AWE, gimme a SOME.
Other highlights of the best Tour evaaa:

• Johnny Hoogerland’s efforts were amazing – after being hit by a car and consequently thrown into a barbed wire fence, he rode on to finish the stage and keep the King of the Mountains jersey, leading to the now classic phrase for anyone complaining about things being a little bit difficult: “Hoogerland the F*ck Up!”
• I don’t know why, but for the first year ever, I think I preferred Paul Sherwen’s commentary over Phil Liggett. That guy sure knows a lot about obscure stuff. Incidentally, I ran into him at Tour Down Under last year and said "Paul Sherwen?!? You're a legend...and you know you are!" (incidentally, I had been drinking up at Willunga a fair bit that day...)
• SBS even played "Mountains" by Biffy Clyro - for mine, the best Tour de France Mountain Song of all time (apart from "Mountain Song" by Jane's Addiction).
• I also discovered the Sag Wagon podcast by Sam Pang, Dave Culbert, and Sophie Smith, and which was a very enjoyable way of re-enjoying each stage the day after. Thanks to them I found a new appreciation for Anthony Tan's microphone technique, and even discovered my own favourite Chateau of the Day (Chateau de Laroque in Toirac).
• A post-Tour highlight was Mia Freedman questioning the importance of the win, and being told in no uncertain terms that it is the most important thing in the world (Dave Culbert tweeted via @Culbert_Report to @miafreedman "Cadel spent y'day not bragging about win in biggest annual sporting event. You spent it bragging about shopping at Sass & Bide").

As for lowlights, quite apart from the ol' standard gripes about Scott Sunderland's T-shirt and Tina Arena's appearance, for mine it was Thomas Voeckler's performance, along with that of his his teammate Pierre Rolland. Or, rather, everyone else going about how great they were. I understand he put in a good effort to get and then keep the yellow jersey, but let's be honest - he only got it because he had raced off on Stage 9 whilst the peleton was being cut to pieces by accidents, including two of his breakaway compatriots being hit by that car. He then held on by riding on everyone else's wheel. In particular, on the infamous Stage 18 where Cadel did his amazing "job of work" (in the immortal words of Paul Sherwen) to make time back on Andy Schleck, Voeckler was the only rider with a teammate in the chasing group, yet both of them sat back (figuratively speaking, it was probably a bit difficult riding in the Alps) and let Cadel do all the hard work. Even though it was only by this effort that Voeckler was able to keep yellow! Then, the following day, Rolland does it again by sticking on Sammy Sanchez's wheel to get up the mountain, then attacking him and Contador at the end to win on Alpe d'Huez.

At least, that's how I saw it.

But enough lowlights! The real highlight obviously came the following day with Cadel's win the following day in the Grenoble time trial, especially when both he and Andy were on the road at the same time, and Cadel's time ticked him over to being in the virtual maillot jaune. Ahhh, much celebration at Fed Square that night with the other 20 people watching it on the big screen...

As we all know, Cadel had come second twice, and was then able to finally win on the Champs d'Elysees. Not too shabby.

Another rider in a similar position was Mark Cavendish, who had also come second in the race for the green jersey twice before, and was then also able to literally win that prize on the Champs d'Elysees, as well as the stage. Chapeau, Missile de Manx!

Sadly, another cyclist who had also come second in the GC twice before was Andy Schleck - he was destined to come second a third time. But he's young - he'll have his chances again! He was also very gracious in defeat. I especially loved his subtle dig at Contador when congratulating Cadel, saying he thought Cadel deserved the win in 2011, though not so much the winner of the year before...
Finally, I'll finish my CADEL IS ACE rant with a comment that actually has some positive advice, as well:

"CADEL Evans will long be remembered for his feat in becoming the first Australian to win the Tour de France. And after a lifetime of hard training and courageous riding with injuries he will rightly be enriched by the flood of sponsorships that follow the yellow jersey like night follows day.
However, Cadel has unwittingly also pointed out a way in which every working Australian can save a million dollars and improve their personal fitness simply by swapping a second car for a bicycle.
Using realistic calculations and assuming a modicum of financial discipline, the million dollar aim or shaving 13 years off your mortgage is not a mere fantasy.
"A lot of people run a second car without a clear idea of what it is costing them -- if you run the numbers you'll find the bomb is costing you a bomb," said Bicycle Victoria chief executive Harry Barber.
"There is so much more people could be doing with that money than burning it up in a vehicle that spends 94 per cent of its life doing nothing."
I have checked Harry's numbers and if anything they are conservative - he has assumed the car is second-hand rather than new and is parked for the bargain basement price of $12 a day, a deal many city workers would grab if only they could find it.
On the other side of the equation, the capital and running costs for the bike are assumed at $1000 a year, which if anything is a little on the high side.
That leaves a net difference of $10,000 a year or $833 a month which is a significant sum in anybody's language.
The magic million dollars arrives if you do away with the second car at the age of 25 and stick with the bike until you retire and grows to an extra $3.58 million if salary sacrificed into superannuation instead.
But even a 45-year-old shedding two wheels and a motor for the commute would save an
impressive $358,000 or an extra $677,490 in superannuation.
If you add in a dose of realism with a mixed commute of public transport for when the weather is nasty, it shows the long term benefits of reducing spending and saving the difference or using it to pay off the mortgage early or pad out the super account.
If only US politicians could see the benefits of cutting spending and debt so clearly."

Hmmm...went a bit Tea Party at the end there, actually, but I'm all for the "On yer bike" sentiment.

Go Cadel.

Yellin' For Cadellin'!!!

I've got a whole bunch of half-drafted posts I need to finish about various issues of high import, such as the carbon tax and religion in schools and Star Wars, but I'm just going to continue ignoring them for a bit and get straight to the most important news ever: Cadel rode the time trial of his life last night, almost winning the stage (only coming second to Tony Martin by 7 seconds), but more importantly - taking almost 3 minutes on Andy Schleck and setting himself up to be the first Australian winner of the Tour de France!!!
Don't get me wrong - I like Andy (and Frank, for that matter - "the Schleck Girls" as my mate Dave calls them) - but he's young and will have plenty of opportunities to win the Tour in future - he can win all of them as far as I'm concerned. But Cadel's got this one. And that's enough for me (and I've been putting in the same time and effort staying up late and watching every stage of the Tour de France for the last five years as Cadel has riding it).
Much like a Saints premiership - I don't need to see years of dominance - I'll be very happy to see just one.
While on that topic, I'm pretty sure that there are only two possible sporting outcomes this year: 1. Cadel loses the Tour de France and the Saints also don't win a premiership, and 2. Cadel wins the Tour de France and the Saints do win the premiership. I can't think of any other possibilities.
So, with a looming Tour de France victory for Cadel tonight, it looks like the Saints will be staging a massive come-from-behind AFL victory in October this year.
That's just maths.
Go Cadel!

It was the best of times...

...it was the blurst of times.
The best was most of the game until maybe half-way through the last quarter.
The blurst? Everything since.
Man, this sucks.
I know one thing: Geelong is no longer my second team. They are close to sixteenth (obviously allowing for any South Australian teams to remain below them).
Ahhhh. It feels good to really despise a team - we Saints don't have any real rivalries, but this is the beginning of a beautiful one.
Onya Maxy. Pity you couldn't play on the day, and you'll be missed.
And despite some people singing his praises and betting that he would win the Norm Smith at odds of 101 to 1, according to Rohan Connolly, Raph Clarke should have made way for Maxy on the day.
That said, we still love ya, boys. We're used to disappointment and loss and the crying and the losing of the sunglasses and licking of the strangers after the game.
Next year, yadeyadeyada.
PS Onya Cadel, too. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Tour de Gallipoli (et de Farce)

Watching Le Tour right now as I write and you read (assuming you read this in real time, which is, let's face it, impossible), and I've gotta get this off my chest: this Tour is a lot like World War II.
Not just because there's some Germans who want to get to Paris, or the Swiss want to cover themselves in ill-gotten gold (I'm looking at you, Fabian Cancellara). I'm talking about the misuse of Australian bodies.
I knew that the lead-out man for Mark Cavendish was Aussie Mark Renshaw. However, I didn't know until Thor "God of Thunder/Compatriot of Ant-Man" Hushovd won the fifth stage into Barcelona that HIS lead-out man was also an Aussie - Brett Lancaster. So TWO of these supposedly world-class sprinters were really relying on throwing their Colonial Australian Sacrifical Lambs into the trenches before they could claim their own glory in a peculiarly European War.
That's right. They can't do it without their Anzacs.
On top of that, fellow Aussies Michael Rogers and ironically German Heinrich Haussler were injured that very day in the famous Battle for the Spanish Roundabout, which is suspicious to say the least.
And speaking of "least", last but not the, our own General o' the Tour, Cadel Evans, has been fighting bureaucracy and stupidity, and his own Belgians, just to stay in his own position. Sir John Monash, anyone?
(Or maybe, Mel Gibson or that guy with the donkey - Australian History wasn't a priority at my school ... because it was an Australian school.)
Still, the World War II comparison isn't all bad - I'm actually hoping for one other replay of Dubya Dubya Two: let's see if the Americans can come in and save the day, last-minute, annoying everyone with their "will-they-won't-they", we'll-still-charge-you-for-the-privilege, cavalry style. I'm of course referring to Lance Armstrong and Levi Leipheimmer. Surely we can rely on the ANZUS treaty so that these allies/undercover agents can deny Cheatador another victory.
To that end: Go Lance.
I like Lance A Lot.
Boom boom.
PS After last night (being Saturday, as I write, in real time, not fake time), Cancellara is the winner of the ongoing Biggest Cock-Knocker competition, for his petulant demands that Cadel leave the breakaway group that Cancellara had belatedly joined AFTER Cadel basically created it, with Vladimir Efimkin a solid runner-up, for his embarrassing efforts in the breakaways all day, where he did NO WORK all that same day, and then tried to overtake his three fellow breakawayers in the last 3 kms, only to be beaten by ALL THREE of them at the line.
You Cock-Knocker.

Le Super-Tired

Le Tour de France has begun!
Simon Gerrans was a surprise omission from Sastre's squad (methinks he was jealous of Gerrans' stage win in the Giro), but apart from that (oh yeah, and Contador's inclusion in Lance Armstrong's squad), it is ALL good.
Yes, EVERYTHING is good.
Oh - and Thomas Dekker getting done for taking EPO, despite not being on Cadel's team when the infraction occurred.
The time trial in Stage 1 around Monaco was great, with our man Cadel hangin' in there only 5 seconds behind Contador and Cancellara taking out a great win. Due to going out on Saturday night, I didn't see this until 5am, and, needless to say, Stage 2 was then tough to watch last night.
But that's ALL GOOD.
Because the Tour is back.
Bon chance, all!
Oh yeah, plus Allan Davis getting told to "Go Home" when Tom Boonen was brought back into his side was harsh, Quick Step, very harsh.
But it's ALL GOOD.
Note: If Contador wins a stage and does his finger pistol thing (instead of, say, pointing at his cock), I will punch the cushions on my couch SO hard.

Wrong slide of the tracks

Had another bike accident Friday - ho hum - this time I slid out on some wet tram tracks on St Kilda Road. Not a great idea when it's raining at 5:30pm on a Friday evening, especially in light of what happened to that poor girl in the city a couple of months ago, but luckily there were no cars...or trams...in my immediate vicinity when I crashed into and then slid across the bitumen.

Hurt, though. And the fact that I was only 500 metres from work, and had a long ride home ahead of me, didn't help matters. Check out the colourful after-effects in this risque shot of my leg:

Anyhoo, it got me thinking about the similarities between me and Tour de France legend Cadel Evans - no surprises there, really.

Not that I've been the Tour runner-up two years in a row (yet), but the similarities with the grazes on our arzes. He had a crash early in the 2008 Tour, and though he recovered well, he commented that it affected his performance throughout the race and possibly cost him the Tour. Lying on my couch every night throughout the Tour, I struggled to empathise with him, but this has now changed after my relatively minor crash on Friday. It actually hurts! Who would thunk it?!?

Good on Cadel for keeping second place, I say (again, but This Time With Feeling).

Speaking of cycling, when I was watching the 2008 Vuelta highlights on SBS, I really liked the Spanish song used for the intro, but there was no indication what it was or who sung it. Rising to the challenge and using my very limited Spanish and a search engine by the name of Google (I'm a maverick), I tracked it down. For those who are interested - it's Pretendo Hablarte by Beatriz Luengo (note that this is a (good) weird clip, and the song doesn't actually start until around 2:10 in):

Veeerry nice.

PS I'll admit the version of the song above is a little choppy, so you can see the official version here, too (couldn't embed it here, but...)

BOY, it’s COTT in here!!!!

The Olympics start tonight, in hot and humid Beijing. A quick reminder: Don’t forget to boycott it, not just because of the Tibet thing, but also the fact that it’s boring thing.

Yeah - hit 'em where it really hurts: Channel 7's ratings!! Woo-hoo!!

Also, in support of Tibet, don’t forget to watch Cadel Evans in the cycling on, I think, Saturday.

Yeah! Keep punching!!! Woo-HOO!!!!!!

Tour de Awesome

My dear (pretend) friends!

I haven't ranted for a while, and I fear my blood pressure has been falling to dangerous lows, so it's time to get back on the RantWagon.

First: I've been staying up late and religiously watching the Tour de France lately (as have pretty much everyone I speak to, it seems), which has been, overall, totally sweet, especially with My Main Man Cadel wearing the yellow (until very recently) and Simon Gerrans winning Stage 15. However, as is usual at this time of year, some Drug Clowns have been caught clowning around with drugs, the main one being Riccardo Ricco (whom I translate into English as 'Richie Rich').

Rant No.1: Some people (such as John Fahey - see Rant No.2 below) are saying that this proves the Tour itself is the problem. Really? It's the best bike race in the world (as well as being an amazing and wonderful thing to watch). This means it's going to attract people who want to win it – and it appears that some of them will cheat to do so. Surely this is a reflection on the cheats, not the race, particularly if the race organisers are doing their best to expose and get rid of the drug cheats. In fact, many of the riders have been backing up this view lately, including Cadel, that the fact that the cheats are getting caught means the Tour itself should not be criticised: “What are they supposed to do? Do they have a free-for-all like some sports that don't have drug testing at all … are we going to be complimented for that?”

The tour organisers are on top of it, the cheats are being kicked out, and cheats' teams (and the sponsors in some cases) are withdrawing. Plus, Richie Rich himself was humiliatingly carted off by the gendarmes and faces a spell in jail. What more could people want? The Tour, and the majority of the cyclists, are doing their best...which is, incidentally, a lot better than other sports.

Or, as Greg Baum of The Age recently pointed out: “Think for a moment: what would be more disturbing at the Beijing Olympics, a rash of positive tests, or none?”

Rant No.2: World Anti Doping Authority chairman John Fahey (the former dancing premier of New South Wales) recently said “I firmly believe because I want to that Cadel Evans is, being Australian, completely straight and honest…I keep asking who is going to get ahead of him, because of something they are taking that is prohibited. That's my cynicism; I want him to win and I'd hate to see someone who is taking something pip him and get away with it.”

Now, apart from the fact that Fahey’s reasoning for believing that Cadel is clean is suspect*, in my humble and mostly uninformed opinion, Cadel’s already been pipped by a cheat – remember the 2007 Tour, anyone?

Rant No.3: If you win a race by cheating, you haven't really won. Even if you fool everyone else, YOU know that you cheated, which means that YOU know you haven't accomplished anything. So why do it? Money? Not if you're Richie Rich.

Rant No.4: The cheats don't seem to understand that, if you have an extraordinary day, you'll probably get tested. This is what got Floyd Landis when he won the stage that ended up (temporarily) winning him the race in 2006 – he got tested that day and was caught. Same with Ricco.

Therefore, I think I have worked out a conclusive theory for why these people cheat.

They are retarded.

Rant No.5: Stage 17 through the Alps, from Embrun to L'Alpe d'Huez. What the hell? Are they serious? Whoever designed that stage really dislikes cyclists.

That said - it's a must-watch. Get on it.

Finally, on a more positive note: someone give Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen a whole stack of medals. Their commentary is the mutha 'uckin' bomb.

* I know Cadel's clean not because he’s Australian but because he looks like absolute crap at the end of every stage. That's what I like to see in my cyclists.

We the (male) people

Just after I change the name of my blog, a surprising twist of anti-rantiness in this post: Congratulations to America (a "Tip of the Hat", if you will)!
I've been keeping a close eye on the Democratic primaries (thanks very much to my friends Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert) and it looks like, although all of the black people have obviously been voting for Obama and all of the women have been voting for Hillary, in the primaries held in Indiana last week, WHITE MEN have finally shown that they might still have some influence in a presidential election.
God Bless/Damn America.
Whilst anti-ranting, congrats also to Cadel Evans, Australia's favourite cyclist (and anyone who's driven in Melburne knows how much we love cyclists), who recently wore a "Free Tibet" T-shirt during the Liege-Bastogne-Liege one-day classic.
If he receives any discrimination over this, I will have only one response: BOYCOTT! That's right: I won't watch the Olympics telecast on television.
They will rue the day.
PS I believe China's human rights record is also an acceptabvle reason for boycotting.
PPS Go Cadel, Tour de France '08. I WILL watch that.
PPPS I should point out that Jon and Stephen are my TV friends, not real friends.