Cadel Comedown...or is it?

So, as predicted by this blog (what were the odds?!?), Cadel won the Tour on Sunday - the First Australian to do so. Exclamation Point!
So now the euphoria has died down..wait a minute...the euphoria hasn't died down at all!!
This is still Totally Awesome!!!
Even the New York Times reported his win!
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!! Oui! Oui! Oui!
There were many questions about whether this was the greatest victory by an Australian sportsman ever, and I've gotta say I'm firmly in the "Yes" camp. I've watched pretty much every stage of the Tour for the last five years (barring two weeks last year when I stupidly booked a two-week holiday in Bali in July 2010 - what was I thinking?!?), so I think I was due a Cadel Victory after all that effort I put in.

Greatest moment of the 2011 Tour? Well, there were many. I recall Dave McKenzie saying years ago that every winner of the TDF has really stamped his authority on the race at least on one stage, and Cadel’s win on stage 4 up the Mur-de-Bretagne was clearly a stand-out (especially since he was at the back of the peloton with bike problems and 20km to go, and then he got to the front AND beat Contador BUT Contador claimed the win even though he DIDN'T - all GOLD with a capital G...and O, L and D).
Cadel was clearly a contender from the very beginning, continuously trying to keep himself at the front, and even stealing seconds or placings on such benign stages as stage 3 and 8. But then his efforts in the Alps were what really ended up ensuring he won the Tour.
A guy who really knows what he's talking about also called rilestar had this to say after the monumental stage 18:

"Ummm, @Brian 9:40am, not sure if you've been watching the same tour as me, but Cadel hasn't really been sitting on anyone's wheel...
He's attacked virtually from the beginning - coming second to Phillipe Gilbert on stage 2, winning stage 4, leading the main contenders up to Super Besse on stage 8, as well as the chase of Frank Schleck up to Luz-Ardiden and Andy Scheleck to Plateau de Beille, attacking with Contador and Sanchez on stage 16 into Gap, etc, etc.
In the super-high mountains he doesn't have the same acceleration as the Schlecks and Contador, but you could see last night that he still drove the main contenders in the chase of Andy Schleck, with everyone else sitting on HIS wheel.
I agree entirely with @Si 9:07am - I think his tactic was to watch Contador, mistakenly thinking that Contador and Bjarne Riis had some magical plan to turn things around on the final climb. By the time he realised that he was actually the strongest climber left in the main group, it was almost too late, and he had to do everything himself.
Which highlights the great tactics from Andy and Leopard.
If he can make time back on Andy and Frank tonight (knowing that Frank will probably attack tonight), he's in with a great chance. If he loses time, it may be all over...
Go Cadel!"

In the same comments section, Brett (who must now feel like a goose) stated "As tough as Cadel is , he is never going to win the tour, to win this race you have to attack in the mountians (sic), being a tempo rider and trying to claim the win with a good time trial is never going to cut it." Craig Schwartz rightly gave him a history lesson, reminding him that precisely such tactics helped Miguel Indurain win the Tour 5 times.
So yeah – Cadel didn’t win the Tour on stage 18 (that happened on Stage 20), but he ensured he didn’t lose it. Gimme an AWE, gimme a SOME.
Other highlights of the best Tour evaaa:

• Johnny Hoogerland’s efforts were amazing – after being hit by a car and consequently thrown into a barbed wire fence, he rode on to finish the stage and keep the King of the Mountains jersey, leading to the now classic phrase for anyone complaining about things being a little bit difficult: “Hoogerland the F*ck Up!”
• I don’t know why, but for the first year ever, I think I preferred Paul Sherwen’s commentary over Phil Liggett. That guy sure knows a lot about obscure stuff. Incidentally, I ran into him at Tour Down Under last year and said "Paul Sherwen?!? You're a legend...and you know you are!" (incidentally, I had been drinking up at Willunga a fair bit that day...)
• SBS even played "Mountains" by Biffy Clyro - for mine, the best Tour de France Mountain Song of all time (apart from "Mountain Song" by Jane's Addiction).
• I also discovered the Sag Wagon podcast by Sam Pang, Dave Culbert, and Sophie Smith, and which was a very enjoyable way of re-enjoying each stage the day after. Thanks to them I found a new appreciation for Anthony Tan's microphone technique, and even discovered my own favourite Chateau of the Day (Chateau de Laroque in Toirac).
• A post-Tour highlight was Mia Freedman questioning the importance of the win, and being told in no uncertain terms that it is the most important thing in the world (Dave Culbert tweeted via @Culbert_Report to @miafreedman "Cadel spent y'day not bragging about win in biggest annual sporting event. You spent it bragging about shopping at Sass & Bide").

As for lowlights, quite apart from the ol' standard gripes about Scott Sunderland's T-shirt and Tina Arena's appearance, for mine it was Thomas Voeckler's performance, along with that of his his teammate Pierre Rolland. Or, rather, everyone else going about how great they were. I understand he put in a good effort to get and then keep the yellow jersey, but let's be honest - he only got it because he had raced off on Stage 9 whilst the peleton was being cut to pieces by accidents, including two of his breakaway compatriots being hit by that car. He then held on by riding on everyone else's wheel. In particular, on the infamous Stage 18 where Cadel did his amazing "job of work" (in the immortal words of Paul Sherwen) to make time back on Andy Schleck, Voeckler was the only rider with a teammate in the chasing group, yet both of them sat back (figuratively speaking, it was probably a bit difficult riding in the Alps) and let Cadel do all the hard work. Even though it was only by this effort that Voeckler was able to keep yellow! Then, the following day, Rolland does it again by sticking on Sammy Sanchez's wheel to get up the mountain, then attacking him and Contador at the end to win on Alpe d'Huez.

At least, that's how I saw it.

But enough lowlights! The real highlight obviously came the following day with Cadel's win the following day in the Grenoble time trial, especially when both he and Andy were on the road at the same time, and Cadel's time ticked him over to being in the virtual maillot jaune. Ahhh, much celebration at Fed Square that night with the other 20 people watching it on the big screen...

As we all know, Cadel had come second twice, and was then able to finally win on the Champs d'Elysees. Not too shabby.

Another rider in a similar position was Mark Cavendish, who had also come second in the race for the green jersey twice before, and was then also able to literally win that prize on the Champs d'Elysees, as well as the stage. Chapeau, Missile de Manx!

Sadly, another cyclist who had also come second in the GC twice before was Andy Schleck - he was destined to come second a third time. But he's young - he'll have his chances again! He was also very gracious in defeat. I especially loved his subtle dig at Contador when congratulating Cadel, saying he thought Cadel deserved the win in 2011, though not so much the winner of the year before...
Finally, I'll finish my CADEL IS ACE rant with a comment that actually has some positive advice, as well:

"CADEL Evans will long be remembered for his feat in becoming the first Australian to win the Tour de France. And after a lifetime of hard training and courageous riding with injuries he will rightly be enriched by the flood of sponsorships that follow the yellow jersey like night follows day.
However, Cadel has unwittingly also pointed out a way in which every working Australian can save a million dollars and improve their personal fitness simply by swapping a second car for a bicycle.
Using realistic calculations and assuming a modicum of financial discipline, the million dollar aim or shaving 13 years off your mortgage is not a mere fantasy.
"A lot of people run a second car without a clear idea of what it is costing them -- if you run the numbers you'll find the bomb is costing you a bomb," said Bicycle Victoria chief executive Harry Barber.
"There is so much more people could be doing with that money than burning it up in a vehicle that spends 94 per cent of its life doing nothing."
I have checked Harry's numbers and if anything they are conservative - he has assumed the car is second-hand rather than new and is parked for the bargain basement price of $12 a day, a deal many city workers would grab if only they could find it.
On the other side of the equation, the capital and running costs for the bike are assumed at $1000 a year, which if anything is a little on the high side.
That leaves a net difference of $10,000 a year or $833 a month which is a significant sum in anybody's language.
The magic million dollars arrives if you do away with the second car at the age of 25 and stick with the bike until you retire and grows to an extra $3.58 million if salary sacrificed into superannuation instead.
But even a 45-year-old shedding two wheels and a motor for the commute would save an
impressive $358,000 or an extra $677,490 in superannuation.
If you add in a dose of realism with a mixed commute of public transport for when the weather is nasty, it shows the long term benefits of reducing spending and saving the difference or using it to pay off the mortgage early or pad out the super account.
If only US politicians could see the benefits of cutting spending and debt so clearly."

Hmmm...went a bit Tea Party at the end there, actually, but I'm all for the "On yer bike" sentiment.

Go Cadel.

Yellin' For Cadellin'!!!

I've got a whole bunch of half-drafted posts I need to finish about various issues of high import, such as the carbon tax and religion in schools and Star Wars, but I'm just going to continue ignoring them for a bit and get straight to the most important news ever: Cadel rode the time trial of his life last night, almost winning the stage (only coming second to Tony Martin by 7 seconds), but more importantly - taking almost 3 minutes on Andy Schleck and setting himself up to be the first Australian winner of the Tour de France!!!
Don't get me wrong - I like Andy (and Frank, for that matter - "the Schleck Girls" as my mate Dave calls them) - but he's young and will have plenty of opportunities to win the Tour in future - he can win all of them as far as I'm concerned. But Cadel's got this one. And that's enough for me (and I've been putting in the same time and effort staying up late and watching every stage of the Tour de France for the last five years as Cadel has riding it).
Much like a Saints premiership - I don't need to see years of dominance - I'll be very happy to see just one.
While on that topic, I'm pretty sure that there are only two possible sporting outcomes this year: 1. Cadel loses the Tour de France and the Saints also don't win a premiership, and 2. Cadel wins the Tour de France and the Saints do win the premiership. I can't think of any other possibilities.
So, with a looming Tour de France victory for Cadel tonight, it looks like the Saints will be staging a massive come-from-behind AFL victory in October this year.
That's just maths.
Go Cadel!

Things I've learned in the past week or so...

(Or how I learned to stop writing long blog posts and just get this stuff out there, short-stuff Twitter-style)

A few things I've learnt this week:

• Alberto Cheatador got nailed (and I got to see Lance many, many times up close and personal at the Tour Down Under -BAM!)
  
• Apparently I'm to blame for Angus and Julia and Stone getting the No.1 spot in the Hottest 100, even though I did not and would not vote for them (my No.1 song of the year was "Tighten Up" by the Black Keys, but I consistently have my thumb off the pulse of what the general public like, as evidenced by my failure to watch a single episode of Masterchef, combined with my constant ability to watch shows that get cancelled or placed at weird times or on weird stations (Community, 30 Rock, even Buffy), plus predicting that no-one liked John Howard or (heaven forbid) that Peter Costello would be better than Howard...and so forth. Come to think of it, my inability to see eye-to-eye with the public-at-large could be why I rant...)
  
• Ricky Gervais is an hilarious atheist
• Douchebaggery
• Privatising our public transport has meant we've paid a billion dollars for worse service (but of course if you read this blog, and the fact you just read that previous sentence indicates you do, you already know that)
• By putting the maintenance of the surplus above climate change reform (and, indeed, common sense, by taxing people a small amount for a lot of grief), Julia Gillard really doesn't know what she's doing there.

That last bullet point of learning is very disappointing. I (and an entire country, besides) have given her a chance, but it's just getting worse. The right-wing crazies were already howling for her blood, but the progressives don't seem too keen on what she's been doing either.
Some bold decisions need to be made - the flooding we've seen this year is likely to become a frequent occurrence (as early as next week apparently, with some cyclones bearing down on a Queensland that must be full to the brim with homosexuals, assuming you're into the whole Wrath Of God thing), and we've already seen other evidence of extreme weather events with not just the bushfires in Victoria, but events all over the world. Ian Lowe, president of the Australian Conservation Foundation, has some good suggestions in his article "Drowning in a hothouse", mostly to do with acknowledging there's a problem and putting a price on carbon pronto, as well as investing in public transport, phasing out multibillion-dollar subsidies of fossil fuel production and use, and investing in clean energy. Y'know, obvious stuff. Also, I'm no engineer, but I also wonder if there shouldn't be some kind of huge nation-building program undertaken to divert water that would otherwise cause flooding through the Great Dividing Range and into the Murray-Darling river system - #twobirdsonestone. Twitter-style!
Plus the ongoing debacle that is the resource rent tax (or the "Some minerals extraction tax", or "Oil-and-coal-companies-can-you-lend-me-a-fiver-scheme", or whatever it's going to end up as) really sticks in my ... anyone? Anyone? "Craw" - That's right - its sticks in my motherlovin' craw. To add insult to injury about our Government's limp-wristed approach to this issue, an Associate Professor at the University of Melbourne, Peter Christoff, decided to rub our noses in it a bit (with good intentions), telling us that:

"Mesmerised by the short-term benefits of successive mineral booms and shackled to their revenue flows, Australian governments have become both increasingly reluctant and increasingly politically terrified to regulate the pace of exploitation of these resources or to seek their full worth. And because returns to the state have been spent immediately, governments have become addicted to the income stream and unable to slow the exploitation of resources that have no future, such as coal and, eventually, gas, if we are to take climate change seriously.
We have been told over and again that this development path was the only choice for Australia, which doesn't have the public capital base to invest in exploration and exploitation of its non-renewable natural resources.
Strange, then, that a small nation such as Norway - population 5 million - should have had the capacity to do so. Stranger still that Norway could use revenue from its oil and gas windfall to establish a national fund that is now a major investor in economic development both in Norway and overseas, guaranteeing a revenue stream to fund the very robust Norwegian welfare state - its health, transport, public housing, and social security system."

Ahhh, jeez. I'm just gonna go to the Big Day Out and watch the Black Keys, to calm my nerves.

Speaking of which, here's that favourite song of mine from last year:

What's that? The Black Keys have cancelled their Australian tour?
Motherfuck!
All right, I'll just watch Ricky Gervais being funny again:

An unhealthy stuperstition

Just watching the last stage of this year's Tour de Boredom (don't get me wrong, I love the Tour, and have stayed up to watch every stage for the last 3 weeks, but this year, with Cheatador being all-conquering, it's not very exciting...) and I've started thinking about teenagers having sex.
First time, for real!
(An aside - Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen have just, at 11:56pm, agreed with my blog entry about Allan Davies! I didn't know they (or anyone else apart from Fenz) read it! They didn't actually mention the blog, but they were pressed for time - the cyclists are over 80 km from the stage finish, and I'm sure they don't have time to talk about "sources"...)
What I'm thinking is best phrased as a question: Living as you do, being a blog-reader, in the 21st century, if someone you're near starts coughing all over you, do you (a) rely on what science has given us in the last 200 years and get some kind of medical solution to the problem, or (b) turn to religion, and hope that 2000 year old texts can deal with, e.g., H1N5 flu?
Since you can read, I know you'll go with Option A. We've known for about hundreds of years now that religion is no good when it comes to health issues. Being told you're inhabited by seven devils might have been useful 2000 years ago, because people back then were morons, but these days it's not as useful as it used to be.
So. Looking now at teenagers, or anyone else, having sex, which involves a lot more human fluids than coughing on each other (if you're doing it right), I put to you humble blog-reader, should we treat that as a health issue or as a religious issue?
Oh, really? We need to consult our two to four thousand year old texts, rather than the more recent scientific method which has no doubt saved many, many people than religion ever has?
You're an idiot. And your daughter's going to get pregnant to an idiot.
Yes, you.
No, not you - the first guy.
Yeah - you know who I'm talking about, first guy.
You idiot.
PS Go Lance and Cavendish for tonight. That's right. I'm not afraid to pick the outsiders...
PPS Go saints.

Scenic Highway Robbery

Just found out that Tom Boonen has abandoned the TDF due to "intestinal issues", but the question that's not being asked is: what does that mean for Allan Davies?
To ask it more sarcastically, SO glad that Tommy was successful in his appeal against his inability to start in the TDF due to "nosebag issues" the day before the TDF started, only for Aussie Allan Davies to be told he had to go home the day before the TDF, only for Tommy to ride at the back of the peloton for 14 stages, only for Tommy to bail due to his "lack of ability to win anything issues".
Lame.
Lame issues.
And while we're on English-speaking people being robbed (let's have some decorum and not mention all the people English-speaking people rob), Mark Cavendish was totally robbed at the end of Stage 14. From what I've seen, The God of Thunder is also The God of Lame Whingeing, and has cost the Manx Missile a well-deserved jersey.
Though, to be fair, apart from 2006, the handing out of the jersey is often unfair...

Tour de Gallipoli (et de Farce)

Watching Le Tour right now as I write and you read (assuming you read this in real time, which is, let's face it, impossible), and I've gotta get this off my chest: this Tour is a lot like World War II.
Not just because there's some Germans who want to get to Paris, or the Swiss want to cover themselves in ill-gotten gold (I'm looking at you, Fabian Cancellara). I'm talking about the misuse of Australian bodies.
I knew that the lead-out man for Mark Cavendish was Aussie Mark Renshaw. However, I didn't know until Thor "God of Thunder/Compatriot of Ant-Man" Hushovd won the fifth stage into Barcelona that HIS lead-out man was also an Aussie - Brett Lancaster. So TWO of these supposedly world-class sprinters were really relying on throwing their Colonial Australian Sacrifical Lambs into the trenches before they could claim their own glory in a peculiarly European War.
That's right. They can't do it without their Anzacs.
On top of that, fellow Aussies Michael Rogers and ironically German Heinrich Haussler were injured that very day in the famous Battle for the Spanish Roundabout, which is suspicious to say the least.
And speaking of "least", last but not the, our own General o' the Tour, Cadel Evans, has been fighting bureaucracy and stupidity, and his own Belgians, just to stay in his own position. Sir John Monash, anyone?
(Or maybe, Mel Gibson or that guy with the donkey - Australian History wasn't a priority at my school ... because it was an Australian school.)
Still, the World War II comparison isn't all bad - I'm actually hoping for one other replay of Dubya Dubya Two: let's see if the Americans can come in and save the day, last-minute, annoying everyone with their "will-they-won't-they", we'll-still-charge-you-for-the-privilege, cavalry style. I'm of course referring to Lance Armstrong and Levi Leipheimmer. Surely we can rely on the ANZUS treaty so that these allies/undercover agents can deny Cheatador another victory.
To that end: Go Lance.
I like Lance A Lot.
Boom boom.
PS After last night (being Saturday, as I write, in real time, not fake time), Cancellara is the winner of the ongoing Biggest Cock-Knocker competition, for his petulant demands that Cadel leave the breakaway group that Cancellara had belatedly joined AFTER Cadel basically created it, with Vladimir Efimkin a solid runner-up, for his embarrassing efforts in the breakaways all day, where he did NO WORK all that same day, and then tried to overtake his three fellow breakawayers in the last 3 kms, only to be beaten by ALL THREE of them at the line.
You Cock-Knocker.

Le Super-Tired

Le Tour de France has begun!
Simon Gerrans was a surprise omission from Sastre's squad (methinks he was jealous of Gerrans' stage win in the Giro), but apart from that (oh yeah, and Contador's inclusion in Lance Armstrong's squad), it is ALL good.
Yes, EVERYTHING is good.
Oh - and Thomas Dekker getting done for taking EPO, despite not being on Cadel's team when the infraction occurred.
The time trial in Stage 1 around Monaco was great, with our man Cadel hangin' in there only 5 seconds behind Contador and Cancellara taking out a great win. Due to going out on Saturday night, I didn't see this until 5am, and, needless to say, Stage 2 was then tough to watch last night.
But that's ALL GOOD.
Because the Tour is back.
Bon chance, all!
Oh yeah, plus Allan Davis getting told to "Go Home" when Tom Boonen was brought back into his side was harsh, Quick Step, very harsh.
But it's ALL GOOD.
Note: If Contador wins a stage and does his finger pistol thing (instead of, say, pointing at his cock), I will punch the cushions on my couch SO hard.

Tour de Awesome

My dear (pretend) friends!

I haven't ranted for a while, and I fear my blood pressure has been falling to dangerous lows, so it's time to get back on the RantWagon.

First: I've been staying up late and religiously watching the Tour de France lately (as have pretty much everyone I speak to, it seems), which has been, overall, totally sweet, especially with My Main Man Cadel wearing the yellow (until very recently) and Simon Gerrans winning Stage 15. However, as is usual at this time of year, some Drug Clowns have been caught clowning around with drugs, the main one being Riccardo Ricco (whom I translate into English as 'Richie Rich').

Rant No.1: Some people (such as John Fahey - see Rant No.2 below) are saying that this proves the Tour itself is the problem. Really? It's the best bike race in the world (as well as being an amazing and wonderful thing to watch). This means it's going to attract people who want to win it – and it appears that some of them will cheat to do so. Surely this is a reflection on the cheats, not the race, particularly if the race organisers are doing their best to expose and get rid of the drug cheats. In fact, many of the riders have been backing up this view lately, including Cadel, that the fact that the cheats are getting caught means the Tour itself should not be criticised: “What are they supposed to do? Do they have a free-for-all like some sports that don't have drug testing at all … are we going to be complimented for that?”

The tour organisers are on top of it, the cheats are being kicked out, and cheats' teams (and the sponsors in some cases) are withdrawing. Plus, Richie Rich himself was humiliatingly carted off by the gendarmes and faces a spell in jail. What more could people want? The Tour, and the majority of the cyclists, are doing their best...which is, incidentally, a lot better than other sports.

Or, as Greg Baum of The Age recently pointed out: “Think for a moment: what would be more disturbing at the Beijing Olympics, a rash of positive tests, or none?”

Rant No.2: World Anti Doping Authority chairman John Fahey (the former dancing premier of New South Wales) recently said “I firmly believe because I want to that Cadel Evans is, being Australian, completely straight and honest…I keep asking who is going to get ahead of him, because of something they are taking that is prohibited. That's my cynicism; I want him to win and I'd hate to see someone who is taking something pip him and get away with it.”

Now, apart from the fact that Fahey’s reasoning for believing that Cadel is clean is suspect*, in my humble and mostly uninformed opinion, Cadel’s already been pipped by a cheat – remember the 2007 Tour, anyone?

Rant No.3: If you win a race by cheating, you haven't really won. Even if you fool everyone else, YOU know that you cheated, which means that YOU know you haven't accomplished anything. So why do it? Money? Not if you're Richie Rich.

Rant No.4: The cheats don't seem to understand that, if you have an extraordinary day, you'll probably get tested. This is what got Floyd Landis when he won the stage that ended up (temporarily) winning him the race in 2006 – he got tested that day and was caught. Same with Ricco.

Therefore, I think I have worked out a conclusive theory for why these people cheat.

They are retarded.

Rant No.5: Stage 17 through the Alps, from Embrun to L'Alpe d'Huez. What the hell? Are they serious? Whoever designed that stage really dislikes cyclists.

That said - it's a must-watch. Get on it.

Finally, on a more positive note: someone give Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen a whole stack of medals. Their commentary is the mutha 'uckin' bomb.

* I know Cadel's clean not because he’s Australian but because he looks like absolute crap at the end of every stage. That's what I like to see in my cyclists.