And another thing...

Looks like those clowns in dresses have been doing it again. What a pack of clowns.
Since we've just been talking about Christians, let's also talk about one of their favourite topics: condoms.
Recently, the head of the illustrious Catholic Church, El Papa (or La Papa - I always get those two confused), said in a visit to Africa that the scourge of HIV could be made WORSE, not better, by the distribution of condoms: Condom row clouds Pope's visit. And, on Good Friday, Archbishop George Pell joined in the Pope's chorus.
I find it laughable that a bunch of men who never have sex (at least, not with adult females), seem to think that they have any authority whatsoever to dictate to people about their sexual lives - especially impoverished people in the Sub-Saharan desert. Especially when what they say is demonstrably wrong.
Plus, I know for a fact that Jesus didn't say the word "condom" once. He hung out with prostitutes, for Christos' sake! He certainly didn't tell gentiles how they should copulate.
Not to mention the fact that THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET. We humans are headed for an ecological disaster of our own making, and allowing people to have sex without fear of pregnancy (or death) seems like a pretty good idea. If God is so against it (assuming He's got the time to check out what people are doing in their bedrooms or mudhuts), let him sort it out with them later.
Leave the rest of us THE FUCK ALONE.
And, uh, Happy Eostre.

Happy Eostre!

With (a) many, many mass shootings happening in the US for some reason (the most recent, in New York State, the worst “since 16 April, 2007”), and (b) it being Easter, I thought it was high time to revisit President Obama’s comment about some American people clinging to their guns and religion.
Actually, these very two things – guns and religion – hilariously came together in a wacky incident at a shooting range in Florida, when a mother shot her SON in the back of the head and then killed herself, because she thought she was the Anti-Christ. Her suicide notes stated "I had to send my son to heaven and myself to hell" and that she had to do it in a public way so the world could also be saved: "Hopefully when I die, there will 1,000 years of peace."
Nutcase.
Religious nutcase.
But anyway, have a happy Easter and eat lots of chocolate eggs left by the Easter bunny in memory of the crucifixion and supposed resurrection of one Yeshua Mashiah (you might know him as "Jesus" the Messiah or "Christ". Or perhaps "Jeebus"). If you do believe in the resurrection of Yeshua, just one question. Who found that his body had been removed from the tomb: was it just Mary Magdelene, or a group of five women? You see, the answer depends on which Gospel you read - Mark: two Marys and Salome, Matthew: two Marys (note to self: good name for a cocktail), Luke: five women including the two Marys and Salome, John: Mary Magdelene alone. Not very helpful considering it's probably the most important event in Christianity (e.g., Pauls' words in his first letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 15, Verses 14 to 17), particularly for those who believe the Bible is the literal word of God.
For an omnipotent being, he sure struggles to keep his facts straight.
And we can keep playing this game, too. For example, had the stone in front of the tomb been rolled away before the women/woman got there ("Yes" for Matthew, "No" for Mark)? Was there an angel (or angels) there? Did Jesus ascend into heaven and, if so, did he get on with it the same day as the resurrection (Luke), or 40 days later (actually, Luke again, but writing the Acts of the Apostles).
Ahhh, such fun.
Still - Happy Eostre, everyone!

Easter – Let’s all remember Jesus’ sacrifice or, like, y’know, whatever

It's not all rants on this blog.

I love Easter, for example. It allows good Christian folk to revert back to their pagan roots, just like they secretly yearn to do. Jesus died on the cross at during Jewish Passover. Consequently, we must all eat chocolate eggs left in our garden by the Easter Bunny.

Excuse me? I think someone needs more practice operating their logic machine.

Ah, it's all good, though. Fact of the matter is, Christianity has always appeared to have a healthy relationship with paganism - and what could be wrong with that? A lot of Christian doctrine has a lot more in common with pagan ideas than with Judaism, from whence it supposedly sprang.

Your god dying and then coming back to life 3 days later (assuming for the moment that Sunday is three days after Friday)? Try out the (originally Persian, I think) god Mithras, the subject of a cult especially popular amongst Roman soldiers from around 300 BC, and who was being resurrected way before Jesus made it fashionable. Mithraism was spread out all over the Roman Empire – I can actually verify this having visited Mithras shrines myself in both Slovenia (in Ptuj) and on Hadrian’s Wall (Newcastle).

Yeah, I’m the man.

But getting back to paganism and made-up stories, how about the virgin birth? Unfortunately, already a well-worn pagan road - apparently Perseus, and, of course, Mithras again, were born of virgin mothers. Mithras also just happened to have been born on 25 December.

So why the rejection of Jewish doctrine, when Jesus himself was a devout Jew? That seems to be more a product of history – the four gospels found in the Bible were written just after the Romans had finally decided to rid themselves of their Jewish "problem" between 60 and 70 A.D., when they put down numerous insurrections and finally sacked the Temple in Jerusalem and burnt it to the ground (so, yes, when the evangelists wrote of Jesus predicting the fall of the temple, they were kind of writing with the benefit of what is known as hindsight). Anyhoo, the new Christian movement tried to distance itself as much as possible from the Jews of the time. Not to mention the fact that Paul was doing his best to convert gentiles left, right and centre, and was quite happy that they not undertake any Jewish ritual, so long as they accepted Paul’s version of Jesus’ message. Did I mention that Paul never met Jesus? No? How remiss of me.

Finally, once Emperor Constantine decided to make Christianity the new State religion in the fourth century A.D., and move its headquarters to Rome and appoint the heads of the church himself (“pontiff” is derived from the Latin “Pontifex Maximus”, who was the high priest of the Ancient Roman College of Pontiffs), Christianity was able to rid itself of its troublesome Jewish connection, re-establish its true pagan roots, and get into some serious anti-semitism for the next 2000 or so years. Glory be to the Highest!!!

Don’t worry about any of this, though.

Just eat your chocolate eggs. Not only do they boost the economy…they’re yummy!!!

PS As for Easter next year – just consult your local astrologer – the dates of Easter depend on the movements of the moon, just like any good Christian festival should.

PPS For the record, I'm a good ol' Irish Catholic with a passing interest in actual history.