I called it! (the sequel)

Moving on to other sports that don't crush my soul ... as much (although I've got very limited success in picking winners here, too): Cycling.

First: Congrats to the God of Thunder. Was hoping for an Australian win, of course, but in a bunch sprint, all i can say is: WHERE WAS ROBBIE MCEWEN!?!?!?!
Secondly, and just as I suspected: Alberto Cheatador has been caught out: Alberto Contador tests positive to banned substance. I don’t care that he claims he’s innocent, or that the amount of steroids found in his system can only be measured in picograms, or that this is the first time I’ve ever heard the words “picogram” or “clenbuterol”.
What I DO care about is that the story also stated:

“Contador was part of the Astana-Würth team that was forced to withdraw from the 2006 Tour de France following doping allegations.
Contador was among five riders named in a doping investigation by Spanish authorities but he maintained his innocence during the scandal.”

Take that!
I choose not to quote the following paragraph, which stated “He never failed a drug test nor was he ever punished by cycling authorities.”
Because that paragraph does not fit my narrative (see, for example, here and here).
Go Saints/Andy Schleck.

PS With the Road Racing World Championships being in Melbourne for possibly the first and only time, I was very much looking forward to seeing these legends live in the lycra'd flesh. But, as usual at this time of year, I'm travelling for work, and had to fly to Brisvegas that day! And also I drank a large quantity after our Grand Final loss and also didn't realise daylight savings had kicked in and therefore missed meeting up with my one-man posse at Fed Square. Moral? It's Andrew Demetriou's fault.
PPS Andy Schleck losing to Cheatador by 39 seconds after he suffered a mechanical problem on the Port de Bales was much like the Saints losing the Grand Final rematch. By that I obviously mean: it was Andrew Demetriou's fault.

We will never forget Pixie-Ann, you clown

That rilestar guy's been at it again.
Magda Szubanski recently ranted about cyclists on Beach Road in Melbourne, and finished off by saying car drivers should take one out with their car door.
She's a difference-maker.
A message board about this seemed to have a fair bit of support for her untenable and ridiculous position (which she has since apologised for) from clearly retarded people who should not be allowed as passengers in cars, let alone drivers, and so rilestar weighed in with this:

Every time I'm riding my bike and I see a car driver run a red light, I just think: "How funny would it be if I stab the next car driver I see in the throat?" Oh, hang on. That wouldn't be funny at all. Plus, an over-reaction like that, killing someone who might have nothing to do with my initial frustration, would make me a bit of pyschopath.
So relax "car drivers" (just so you know, most cyclists also drive cars at other times, so the distinction is quite unnecessary - plus this means we DO pay registration, et cetera, et cetera). If a person upsets you, you know the only person you should feel upset at? That's right - that other person. Not an entire group.
Unless you're a Nazi, of course.
As for Magda Szubanski, she may not be fat any more, but man is she lazy. A rant at cyclists? Wow. Ground-breaking. Let me know the next time she unleashes on bank queues or her mother-in-law.

So let me do the ranting, Magda, and you can do the unfunny thing.
For an entire career.

How about I suspend YOUR sentence?

With a knuckle sandwich. Yeah, that's right, you heard me.
Background to that confusing opening:
It's a very easy bandwagon to jump on...and so I shall.
I reckon any judge who lets a child sex offender off easily is suspect, and in unrelated news I'd like to point out this case where a man called RODNEY PETER SMITH downloaded 40 hours of child pornography video and 7569 images (with most of the children between five and 10 years old, even some babies!) and was given a suspended sentence.
For the non-legal among you, that means he walked free.
Here's an idea - the cops should have the power to check the computers and secret passageways of any judge who doesn't give a child sex offender a harsh penalty. For Christ's sake, the maximum penalty for one of the charges was 10 years' jail!
Knock it up a notch, judge!
Don't make potential right-wing nutjob Steve Medcraft, the spokesman for People Against Lenient Sentencing, spell it out to you: "Suspended sentences are a farce on most of the charges... Sex offenders should not have the luxury of suspended sentences. It sends a poor message to the community that our standards are this slack."

Of course, judges don’t suspend sentences for cyclists who hit cyclists, but maybe they empathise more with child sex offenders, that's all I'm saying…
Note: None of this constitutes contempt of court. I totally promise and affirm.

Wrong slide of the tracks

Had another bike accident Friday - ho hum - this time I slid out on some wet tram tracks on St Kilda Road. Not a great idea when it's raining at 5:30pm on a Friday evening, especially in light of what happened to that poor girl in the city a couple of months ago, but luckily there were no cars...or trams...in my immediate vicinity when I crashed into and then slid across the bitumen.

Hurt, though. And the fact that I was only 500 metres from work, and had a long ride home ahead of me, didn't help matters. Check out the colourful after-effects in this risque shot of my leg:

Anyhoo, it got me thinking about the similarities between me and Tour de France legend Cadel Evans - no surprises there, really.

Not that I've been the Tour runner-up two years in a row (yet), but the similarities with the grazes on our arzes. He had a crash early in the 2008 Tour, and though he recovered well, he commented that it affected his performance throughout the race and possibly cost him the Tour. Lying on my couch every night throughout the Tour, I struggled to empathise with him, but this has now changed after my relatively minor crash on Friday. It actually hurts! Who would thunk it?!?

Good on Cadel for keeping second place, I say (again, but This Time With Feeling).

Speaking of cycling, when I was watching the 2008 Vuelta highlights on SBS, I really liked the Spanish song used for the intro, but there was no indication what it was or who sung it. Rising to the challenge and using my very limited Spanish and a search engine by the name of Google (I'm a maverick), I tracked it down. For those who are interested - it's Pretendo Hablarte by Beatriz Luengo (note that this is a (good) weird clip, and the song doesn't actually start until around 2:10 in):

Veeerry nice.

PS I'll admit the version of the song above is a little choppy, so you can see the official version here, too (couldn't embed it here, but...)

The cycle of life (and death)

No mucking about: I was hit by a car last night. A gen-u-ine car accident took place, in which I, a cyclist, was the victim.

Thanks to the fact that I ride as if everyone out there is trying to kill me, added to some moments of extraordinary skill, I was able to swerve enough (and kick my foot out at the woman's car at the right moment) that I ended up running up against the side of the car, and didn't come off the bike. To be honest, the fact that the woman also saw me at the last minute as she entered the roundabout to my left (I was well and truly on the roundabout - she just hadn't seen me despite my lights and reflective (and attractive) attire) and also swerved and slammed on her brakes, probably accounts more for my survival than my quick-witted attempt to bat aside her car with my shoe.

The result was obviously pretty good, in the scheme of things. I was a little shaken, but unharmed, and the bike seemed OK. She was profusely apologetic, and even pulled the car around the corner and got out, so she could make sure I was all right and offer her phone number in case I needed repairs made to the bike (or perhaps she was offering it for something else, hmmmm? Something a little more illicit than bike repair? Did I mention how attractive my reflective jacket is?)

But I told her not to worry about monetary recompense. I only wanted her to make one sacrifice - her first-born child! No, I kid, I'm not that mental (really, who would be THAT mental and insecure to ask someone to sacrifice their first-born child? Really? In the Old Testament? Well, I never!)

I just asked that she take a little more care when driving, and to look out for cyclists, because we're pretty vulnerable out there with all that really fast, heavy metal (Megadeth!!!! WOOO!!!) zooming around us, most of the drivers indifferent to the max (ironically) about me and my cycling brethren.

Which gets me to my rant: Cyclists.

Some cyclists really piss me off. But not like they piss off car drivers (of which I am one, as no doubt many cyclists are). No, I get pissed off by other cyclists as a fellow cyclist.

The cyclists that piss me off are the ones that have no respect for road rules or other road users. They think that because they are not driving a car, they can do what they like on the road. They run red lights, they cut people off without adequate signalling, they play music really loud when riding down Chapel Street. This kind of conduct REALLY annoys car drivers, mainly because the cyclists are doing what they would do if only they didn't have number plates. Consequently, car drivers who witness such behaviour think that ALL cyclists are like that, and then somehow come to the conclusion that, if they see a cyclist run a red light, then no cyclist has respect for road rules, so it's OK to drive as if all cyclists have a target on their back (or on their front if you're opening a car door into a cyclist coming from behind).

Which gets back to me (finally!): because of these moronic cyclists out there whose behaviour on the roads encourages moronicity (my word - copyright: Riley Jones) in car drivers equalling or even exceeding that of the cyclists, I get car drivers treating me with indifference or even outright hostility when I'm out on the road.

So I blame the cyclists.

And the car drivers.