Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Hardcore History Addendum ... Addendum ...

Long time readers (you know who you both are!) will know that I like putting stuff in chronological order (because it's fun and impresses the ladies).
So a couple of months ago I finally finished my labour of love of putting Dan Carlin's Hardcore History podcasts into some kind of chronological listening order. But, of course, Hardcore History is itself an ongoing labour of love, and I knew I would need to update my list as new episodes come out.
Aaaand the latest Hardcore History Addendum episode recently came out - Caesar at Hastings, necessitating this update!
It's a cool little episode, very much in the Addendum vein of Hardcore History (i.e., weird stuff - this time a 'what-if' of Julius Caesar's army fighting William the Conqueror's at Hastings in 1066).
Fortunately, I happened to be going back and listening to everything in chronological order again, and was up to Thor's Angels (I think) when this came out - just in time to slot a 1066 story soon after. 
Thus, upon listening to that and the surrounding episodes, I've conclusively established that this episode should be listened to after Episode 10 ('The What-if's of 1066'). Ep 10 gets into a bit of the background of the Battle of Hastings, focusing especially on the English side of things, and Caesar at Hastings then builds on that, focusing a lot more (obviously) on the Norman army, as well as Caesar's army as it would have been a thousand years earlier when Julius Caesar crossed from Gaul (as briefly looked at in Episode 60: The Celtic Holocaust). 
So...yeah! A great episode, slots in nicely - get on it already!

The Hardcore History of the World according to Dan Carlin (Addendum)!
Note: Rather than include my notes about why I've put stuff in this order (which you can still read here), I've just listed them all below (with the newly inserted episode in bold) - linked to the actual episodes at dancarlin.com

Saturday, June 29, 2019

How I long for ... the day before this "Yesterday" thing...

If the title of this post is confusing, my original title was the simple, but efficient, "Paul McCartney Sucks"*.
Let me explain: I recently saw the trailer for the new movie "Yesterday", which has the interesting premise that one day everyone in the world has forgotten about the Beatles except for one guy (who then goes on to profit from this knowledge). Apart from the fact that I don't think Beatles' songs would go down as well in today's post-Beatles world, the absolute worst thing about this trailer (and possibly the whole movie) is that it had, I think, three Beatles songs, and they were all boring-ass Paul McCartney ones! 

I would be much more interested in this movie if it instead featured clearly Awesome-John-Lennon-Beatles' songs like "Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite!", "I am the Walrus" and "I Want You (She's So Heavy)".

Now, I say all this knowing full well that each of the above songs, along with the songs in the trailer ("Yesterday", "Let it Be" and "Hey Jude"), are credited as being written by "Lennon-McCartney". But as everyone with any interest in the Beatles knows, this was just because John Lennon and Paul McCartney agreed very early on that they would credit all their songs that way, regardless of how much each of them contributed (or how much some sucked and some were good).
That said, a good starting point for working out which of the two had the greater input is to look at who sings them - chances are that John wrote the songs he sang, and Paul sang the ones he wrote (and George sang his songs, and Ringo was sometimes allowed near a microphone)**. 
If you want to get more serious, this dude has gone to the effort of listing all the Beatles songs, with the singer and, presumably, the main composer.   
But who has the time?!?! The best way to work out who wrote what is ... look at which ones are good! 
And in case you haven't got the gist yet, the good ones are the John Lennon (or George Harrison) ones. John's songs are simply more interesting - he was clearly the rocker, and he also liked a bit of weird (that's not a Yoko Ono joke...but high five anyway, right?!?)
I thought this a few years ago when I "discovered" the Beatles' song "In My Life". 

As usual, I thought it was good, so I naturally assumed it was a John-Song. However, it turned out that apparently there was some controversy about the authorship. Paul McCartney apparently said that he had written the melody: "Those were the words John wrote, and I wrote the tune to it. That was a great one." 

Well, science has come to the rescue, and by analysing all the words, notes and progressions used in Beatles songs, researchers can definitively conclude that "In My Life" is a Lennon song: 
"it turns out Lennon wrote the whole thing. When you do the math by counting the little bits that are unique to the people, the probability that McCartney wrote it was .018 — that's essentially zero. In other words, this is pretty well definitive. Lennon wrote the music."
I only relate this because it's funny.

Also Paul McCartney once ended up in the middle of a Nirvana reunion without knowing (and had to be told who the members of Nirvana were). That's just bad. You're bad, Paul McCartney.

So, yeah. I'm not going to see this movie.

And if you're at all wavering, there's another reason this movie is likely to be bad: there's a line that implies that Coldplay is good. This is incorrect.

You have been warned.

* I actually searched this term on Google recently and found this post  - very entertaining!

** This even works for a song where they both sing different bits, like one of my faves: "A Day in the Life". Paul's bit is the worst (although it works for the song, probably thanks to John - high five!)  

Friday, June 7, 2019

Don't get too X-cited...

So the reviews for X-Men: Dark Phoenix are coming in...and they are not good!
It looks like the X-Men universe, at least the Fox version of it, is going out with a whimper rather than a bang, as Dark Phoenix may not be the finale this franchise needed or deserved (that would be Logan, by the way).
I haven't seen it yet, but I still will, despite these stinky reviews (I've actually found that getting bad reviews for movies I'm going to see anyway can be a good thing, as I go in with super-low expectations and then just enjoy anything in them that's half-decent – that's how I had fun with Suicide Squad)!
A franchise will fall

But I was always going to watch this – before the MCU (the Marvel Cinematic Universe) took over the RAU (the Real Actual Universe), I actually loved the XMU (ummm...X-Men Universe...). I even didn't mind X-Men Origins: Wolverine and X-Men The Last Stand (and I'm fairly certain I had no (significant) brain injuries at the time). 
It probably helped that Hugh Jackman played such an excellent Wolverine, and Wolverine was my favourite comics character when "growing up" (along with the Punisher, Ghost Rider and Spider-man)**.  
Dark Phoenix opened today, but the main reason I'm not going to jump straight in and see it this weekend is that I now simply MUST watch, listen to, play and read stuff IN ORDER (e.g., refer to my #CountdownToAvengersEndgame that I just won't shut up about).  
I actually started watching them (etc...) in order*** after I bought the Logan blu-ray last year, but I got stymied when I couldn't load the X-Men game on to my very old PC.
I'm not sure if the above sentence will make any sense to anyone under the age of 30...
Anyhoo, I finally restarted watching them again last week, skipping X-Men: The Official Game and getting into the good old The Last Stand (which may turn out to be the better telling of the Dark Phoenix saga?!? WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!?), and hope to finish next week.
If you also would like to get into the #CountdownToDarkPhoenix (that's definitely not a thing), just be aware that the timeline of the X-Men movies is CrAzY and CoNfuSiNg, sometimes intentionally but mostly unintentionally. That doesn't mean it's not worthwhile, just don't think about it too hard (the makers of the movies sure haven't...)
Anyhoo, here's my take on a viewing order, including the movies and various other things, ignore it as much as you like/can!:

Note that in the below viewing order, the movies are in bold, everything else is in italics (e.g., comics and TV shows), the ones with an asterisk have basically been ‘erased’ as a result of the time travel in Days of Future Past (although similar events might have then happened again…), and most of the links are to Amazon/Amazon Prime. 

X-Men First Class – The High Hand (prequel digital comic)
X-Men: First Class (in the 60s) 
The Bent Bullet: JFK and the Mutant Conspiracy (a short video on Youtube, I think as part of the marketing for Days of Future Past (DoFP))
X-Men Origins: Wolverine* (in the 70s and 80s. Note – there's an accompanying game which is not exactly canon, but pretty fun...) 
X-Men Prequel: Magneto comic
X-Men Prequel: Rogue comic
X-Men Prequel: Wolverine comic
X-Men* (in the 2000s)
X-Men 2 Prequel: Wolverine comic* (incidentally, this confirms that the Sabretooth from the first X-Men movie is Victor Creed (who has also been experimented on by the Government and ALSO then got amnesia!)) 
X-Men 2 Prequel: Nightcrawler comic* (fantastic prequel comic (finally!) – leads directly into X2, and includes a wonderful story about Kurt and his circus, and also includes Stryker and Deathstrike). 
X2: X-Men United
X-Men: The Official Game
X-Men: The Last Stand* (this happens in 2006, according to http://www.25moments.com/ (see below))
The Wolverine* – I'll be watching the Unleashed Extended Edition.
The Gifted TV series* (I reckon this fits well in the 'old' timeline, especially since it includes a young Blink just developing her powers, who shows up in DoFP below, too…)
At this point, it's good to check out http://www.25moments.com/, which runs through 25 moments involving mutants in history from 1962 to 2018, including most of the above events, as well as some that are revealed in DoFP below...  
X-Men: Days of Future Past (starts in the future, then mostly in the 70s, but the end is back in the present time, having rebooted the franchise thanks to time travel) – I'll be watching the Rogue Cut...
X-Men: Apocalypse (in the 80s) 
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (in the 90s) 
Legion TV series (if it's going to go anywhere...)
Logan (set in the year 2029, possibly not in the same timeline but whatevs). I'm also tempted to watch Children of Men beforehand (it’s in the UK in the year 2027, and with very similar themes). I was initially going to watch this after Days of Future Past (after Wolverine wakes up back in the present time), but based on the reviews for Dark Phoenix, I think it might be best to save it for almost last...

Logan is hard yakka, so I think it's then good to get some FUN TIMES (although chronologically these probably technically go after Dark Phoenix)!: 

Deadpool 2 (and/or Once Upon a Deadpool!) 

And that's that! Once you've watched them you can then free up space in your brain and just forget them all, as Disney is no doubt going to completely reboot them all when incorporating the X-Men into the MCU in a few years!


** Growing up is obviously relative. Incidentally, it was thanks to my love of Wolverine that I ended up collecting the 17,000 comics he appeared in every month in the early 90s, until I (and apparently many others) had to stop collecting completely when I couldn't afford the equivalent of the entire GDP of a small African nation to support my comics habit... 

*** I fully acknowledge that there's no such thing as a true chronological "order" to watch the X-Men movies in, just have fun with it!

Saturday, May 25, 2019

My least popular blog post ever (probably)!

How good is putting stuff in order! It's, like, the best thing about the internet*! 
I recently put together the One True Viewing Order for the Marvel Cinematic Universe (the movies, at least), but I noticed a fair few people putting together lists of the movies from least to most favourite, such as good ol' friend of the Blog**, Scott Mendelson.
Now, Scott's list is wrong (as are all such lists that don't match mine exactly), but to be fair, this is a notoriously difficult process, mostly because they're all pretty good! I even like the ones that most people hate, like Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 2: Electric Whippy-Loo
The way I've put the list together is to simply work out an order where I look at the movies on either side of an entry, and wonder, if I had to put a movie on, whether I would rather see the next one up the list than the one below it. 
It's that simple (and looking at my list, how "fun" a movie was really helped it move up the list (along with how much it linked in with the broader MCU)).  It's like a really nerdy "Would you rather..."
The controversial thing, and reasoning behind the title of this post, is that I'm not a huge fan of Black Panther (unlike, it seems, the rest of the world ... apart from this guy - “Get elected, mate. Then get back to me” - LOVE IT!). 
I feel like I need to justify this (with the obligatory "I'm not a racist, but..."), even though I shouldn't have to because it's a movie and it's fine and opinions on the internet and like, y'know, whatever.  
But here goes:
The thing I like least about Black Panther is ... Black Panther. Sorry, world (STOP JUDGING ME, YOU WORLD, YOU), but T'Challa is just not that interesting (or, more importantly, fun!). It's a weird movie because the three main antagonists - Killmonger, Ulysses Claue and M'Baku - are all WAY more interesting (not to mention fun, at least when looking at Claue and even M'Baku) than the hero. Shuri's great, too. But the real highlight is Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger. He has a fascinating character development and totally understandable motivations. He’s also (not to put too fine a point on it) a self-made man who wants to break open a super-selfish African nation that has hidden its amazing scientific (but really magic) abilities and literally allowed all of its neighbours to be colonised because otherwise…people would know things about people?
Ironically, the fact that he loses (and dies - spoiler alert!) could be part of the reason I don't really like revisiting this movie (I've seen it three times, I should mention). They shouldn't have killed him off, and he also shouldn't have killed Claue. But what do I know, I just (help, by contributing my hard-earned dollars by buying a few movie tickets and blu-rays to) make Billion Dollar Movies, yo.
I get that the movie is super-important for African-Americans, and Africans, generally (especially native Wakandans...), not to mention "the colonised" the world over. I think the American experience is very important to understanding this movie, and that's why it made so much money in the US … but I'm not American, nor should I be (though I am descended from a race of colonisers … and their convicts … in the Land Down Under).
It's just that when I consider my blu-ray collection, I would literally choose any of the other MCU movies before watching this. 
And this self-described (Australia’s own) coloured person has assured me that’s OK: https://www.cnet.com/news/black-panther-a-marvel-superhero-movie-you-dont-have-to-like/ (incidentally, Mr Van Boom has a BANGING last name). 
But … the movie’s still fine. IT’S THE FREAKING MCU BABY!!!! 
This is a movie and it's fine...
Also, less controversially, I still really like Guardians of the Galaxy but really don’t look forward to rewatching Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 ***. So take that, people who would get upset about that...
Anyhoo, here's my now-forever-tainted list, from Least Favourite to Most Favourite (i.e., from 'would least like to watch right now' to ‘would most like to watch right now’, based on my very recent #CountdownToAvengersEndgame watching experience):

22. Black Panther 
21. The Incredible Hulk 
20. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 
19. Thor: The Dark World 
18. Thor 
17. Iron Man 2 
16. Iron Man 
15. Doctor Strange 
14. Captain America: The First Avenger 
13. Iron Man 3 
12. Captain Marvel 
11. Avengers: Age of Ultron 
10. Ant-Man and the Wasp 
9. The Avengers 
8. Guardians of the Galaxy 
7. Spider-man: Homecoming 
6. Ant-man 
5. Captain America: Civil War 
4. Avengers: Endgame 
3. Thor: Ragnarok 
2. Avengers: Infinity War 
1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Important Disclaimer: I should mention that this list is liable to change from day to day and moment to moment (for example, I finally saw Endgame again last weekend, and I loved it a lot more the second time and consequently moved it further up the list – it's a truly great finale – come back to me once I’ve seen Far From Home!)

* Or one of the best things. Maybe I should make a list... 
** Does not know blog exists… 
*** Pretty sure that’s racist, though…

Saturday, April 13, 2019

We're in the Endgame, now!

I'm not sure if you've heard, but there's a little movie coming out in a couple of weeks that should be pretty fun. 
It's called Avengers: Endgame
I've been doing a #CountdownToAvengersEndgame, watching all the MCU movies in chronological order, along with a few other bits and pieces (the One Shots, the Prelude comics, and even a few episodes of the TV shows, including finally finishing Agent Carter).
Well, it turns out that the Russo Brothers HAVE COPIED MY IDEA!! That's right, the directors of some of my favourite MCU movies have obviously been reading my Twitter feed, and blatantly ripped me off! 
Well, almost blatantly. They've been using the hashtag #ENDGAMECOUNTDOWN instead (nice try, Russo Brothers!) and also using the "T-minus" countdown method (actually, that's pretty good...)
As I write this, they're up to Thor: The Dark World. So it's actually time for us to put aside our differences, as I need to help them out. They are dangerously close to making a terrible decision here, and recommending (their own great movie) Captain America: The Winter Soldier as the next film to watch. Which it clearly is not, as this clever guy explains:

And to help the REST of you out, and because everyone loves it when I put things in order, I present below the ONE TRUE VIEWING ORDER for the MCU movies.
Note: I haven't included the comics and TV shows (yet...), but I have included the One-Shots, 'coz they're cool.  The links are to American Amazon, but at this late stage, you might want to try a streaming option - Amazon can help you there, obviously, but in Australia, I think Stan (the streaming service, not the Lee) currently has ALL of the MCU movies (but not sure about the One-Shots and other bits and pieces)). 

Captain America: The First Avenger – I know that the start and ending are in the modern day, but it works best here, as The First Avenger Movie*! 
Agent Carter (One Shot, on Iron Man 3 blu-ray) 
Captain Marvel – Great introduction to Nick Fury and Phil Coulson (also brings back the Tesseract post-Captain America). 
Hulk – Yep, the Ang Lee one - fight me! (Interestingly, the Executive Producers include Stan Lee and Kevin Feige)! 
Iron Man – The MCU proper begins! 
The Incredible Hulk 
The Consultant (One Shot, on Thor blu-ray) 
Iron Man 2 (ends with Coulson finding Thor’s hammer) 
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor's Hammer (One Shot, on Captain America: The First Avenger blu-ray) 
Thor – ending leads directly into the beginning of The Avengers
The Avengers 
Item 47 (One Shot, on The Avengers blu-ray). 
Iron Man 3 
All Hail the King (One Shot, on Thor: The Dark World blu-ray) 
Thor: The Dark World – post-credit scene with the Collector and Asgardians leads directly to Guardians, even though Winter Soldier was released next. 
Guardians of the Galaxy 
Captain America: The Winter Soldier – post-credit scene leads straight into Avengers: Age of Ultron 
Avengers: Age of Ultron – post-credit scene shows Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet... 
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – Apparently this takes place only a few months after the first Guardians (so some people put it straight after), but I think it’s good to break up the two movies, and this is as good a place as any to put it, especially with the Thanos hint at the end of Ultron (and despite Stan Lee's post-Civil War comment to the Watchers...)
Ant-man (I also watch the WHIH Newsfront specials beforehand, on the blu-ray but also can be found online...)
Captain America: Civil War 
Spider-man: Homecoming – I know that the main events are a few months after Civil War, but since it begins with a recap of Civil War from Spidey’s perspective (plus it flashes back to immediately after Avengers, four years beforehand), I reckon it’s best here. You should, too!
Black Panther 
Ant-Man and the Wasp – Main story is 2 years after Civil War. Note: Ignore both post-credit sequences for now! 
Doctor Strange – Takes place over quite a while (a few years?), and the Avengers building can be seen in the New York skyline, but leads directly into Thor: Ragnarok
Thor: Ragnarok – ending leads directly into Infinity War
Avengers: Infinity War 
Ant-Man and the Wasp – Watch both post-credit scenes here! 
Aaaand then finally...Avengers: Endgame!

Happy viewing, y'all! 
See you in a couple of weeks!

* If you want to watch some movies before Captain America – how about the first three Indiana Jones movies? Hear me out!! In Captain America, Schmidt makes a snide remark about Hitler digging for relics in the desert … a la Raiders! The first three Indy movies take place in 1935, 1936 and 1938, and Captain America then kicks off in 1942 (even Crystal Skull still works in this universe…if you want… Like, really want…) WATCH MORE MOVIES!!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Captain Marvel don't need (to be in) no Civil War!

So as I kinda predicted, the latest entry in the MCU - Captain Marvel* - is going to be another billon dollar movie.
Great movie - already seen it twice. I liked the mystery/detective nature of the plot, even if we all knew she would work out who she was eventually. The unleashing of her power at the end was exceptional. The twists and turns were great. Ben Mendelsohn's character was fantastic (and I love how his Skrull accent is just his straight Aussie one!). And the Stan Lee cameo was pure gold.
I also thought the 90s setting worked really well, and loved Easter Eggs alluding to the broader MCU before and after the events in this movie (especially with Nick Fury ... I mean ... just "Fury", Phil Coulson and a certain Tesseract). 
And the music was pretty much spot on. 
Pretty much...
And this is where the rant begins.
The ONE musical cue that didn't gel for me was "Come As You Are". It came off as someone trying to be cool and grungey by putting in Nirvana's probably most-accessible song, without actually being OG fans.
Not only that, but it just doesn't make sense - it comes on when we're inside Carol's head when she sees the Supreme Intelligence in 1995 (one year after Kurt Cobain committed suicide, incidentally), but she hadn't been back to Earth since 1989. How would she know this song?!? It just doesn't make sense (unlike ever other thing that happens in that movie)!!
So, what to replace it with?
Well, she DID wear a Guns'N'Roses shirt back when she was on Earth - how about a G'N'F'N'R song?
And that's when I got it - "Rocket Queen" from the awesome Appetite for Destruction (which just happens to be my favourite song from that album back in the day). 
If you're unfamiliar with it, please enjoy:

Not only is the title perfect for Captain Marvel, but even the lyrics work (kinda) when she's meeting the Supreme Intelligence:
"Here I am 
And you're a rocket queen 
I might be a little young but honey I ain't naive" 
Feel free to play it over Come As You Are when you're in cinemas going forward.

Can't wait to see her (and the rest of the gang) in Avengers: Endgame

* For those unfamiliar with the Captain, this is a good intro: Marvel's Captain Marvel Prelude

Saturday, March 16, 2019

The Hardcore History of the World

Let’s not muck about. Hardcore History is one of the Best Podcasts Going Around. 
I can’t remember how I got on to it, and Dan Carlin in general, but I haven’t looked back. In fact, when I started listening, many episodes were already behind the ‘paywall’, but once I’d listened to the freebies, I was so hooked that I had to buy all the others. And then listen to them all again (and again). 
For those of you who don't know, Dan is a former journalist and current history nut (as he says many times: he's not a historian, just a fan of historywho loves researching and talking about some of the more extreme events in world history, whether from thousands of years ago or last week. 
He's pretty much the second one in this (inaccurate but funny) Tommy Siegel meme:
Some of the topics he talks about I know about, most I don't - and I learn amazing things either way. Plus, he's just so damned engaging!
So I’m clearly in the bag for Hardcore History and, no, Dan's not paying me. He is simply and objectively one of The Best. 
But something that became clear to me as I listened to each of his wonderful episodes and series was that there could be another way to listen them – a chronological way (isn't everything better chronologically? Probably YES ... but also a bit NO...). This was clearest when listening to the Punic Nightmares series, which flowed well into Death Throes of the Republic, which flowed (pretty well) into Thor’s Angels
And that’s when I decided the world needed not just individual episodes of Hardcore History, but “The Hardcore History of the World according to Dan Carlin”
So that’s what this is: my attempt to put together a chronological listening order of Hardcore History. It's mainly for my own purposes, but why not share the Hardcore Love (TM)?
Note that listening in actual release order still works, particularly as it allows you to experience Dan’s, and Hardcore History’s, evolution (and there are only 63 episodes, plus 7 addendum episodes, at the time of writing this blog). In fact, I would possibly recommend listening in release order first and THEN going back to listen in chronological order. 
Or do what you want. I’m not the boss of you. 
Just get on it. Stat!

Note: The chronological order is further below, but first I've got a bit of an explanation of how the episodes fit together, in my brand new segment: The History of Hardcore History.

The History of Hardcore History
Dan's Hardcore History episodes have literally grown massively in size since his first episode back in 2006. That first episode - comparing Alexander the Great and Hitler the Not-Great, is only just over 16 minutes long. They gradually got longer, averaging out to an hour to an hour and a half, until episode 39 - the sixth and final episode in his Death Throes of the Republic series. At this point, in an effort to finish the story off in one fell swoop, episode 39 was a whopping 5 hours and 25 minutes long. After that point, the gloves were off, and Hardcore History episodes effectively went from being mere podcasts to full-blown audiobooks. Consequently, the more recent episodes are generally very long, and he only gets to release a couple a year.
He's been aware of this, and of the demand for more Hardcore History, so he's made efforts at times to mix up how he releases his historical musings. The first time he did this was in episode 18, when the episode was more of an interview/conversation with historian James Burke, and he did this a few more times (those interview episodes were and are still free). Then in episode 20, he released what he called a 'Blitz' edition, when he spoke about an issue that wasn't confined to one time period (in that episode, the effect of alcohol and drugs on history-shaping personalities and events), and there have been a few Blitz editions since (most recently in episode 61 - Painfotainment).
Then on a couple of occasions, in order to get more in-depth with content and raise a little more revenue, he released some 'extra' episodes, which could only be purchased. When he first announced this I thought "yeah, right" - why pay for podcasts when there are so many free ones available?!? And then I fell in love with Hardcore History and needed all of them and simply had to have them. They're very interesting but he only ended up releasing three (for Thor's Angels, Logical Insanity, and Wrath of the Khans). 

More recently, again in an effort to get more content out in a more timely fashion, he developed the Hardcore History - Addendum episodes. They're different from regular Hardcore History episodes (and not just because they tend to be more around the hour mark again). They often contain interviews/conversations with interesting (historical and/or hardcore) people, or just focus on one interesting historical event that Dan doesn't think could make a regular Hardcore History episode (although they easily could have in the past (no pun intended), such as with the excellent Addendum episode 1 (comparing the armies of Imperial (WWI) Germany and Nazi (WWII) Germany, and Addendum episode 5 (regarding the sinking of the ship the 'U.S.S. Indianapolis' in WWII)).
I've tried my best to include all these different types of episodes in my chronology below (with links to Dan's website, so you can quickly get to the heat of the meat), though in some cases an episode may not fit exactly anywhere (especially Blitz or interview episodes), so I've just taken a punt. Feel free to try your own chronologies, or let me know if you think this could be improved by leaving a comment!
Note that episodes 50 to 63 are currently free (as are the Addendum episodes), but episodes 1 to 49 can be purchased in bulk for a discount.

Oh, and one other thing - he's sometimes revisited events he's dealt with previously, often going into more detail in the later episodes (i.e., once the gloves were off) - a classic example is the very early episode 6, looking at the wars between the Greeks and Persians, followed ten years later by the three-episode series 'Kings of Kings', which delves deep into the Persian Empire, and then eventually gets into their interactions with the Greeks (again). With those episodes, I've generally put the short one first (like an introduction) and then the more detailed ones after.
Now without further ado...enjoy!

The Hardcore History of the World according to Dan Carlin
Ancient weird stuff including Atlantis, the Ark of the Covenant, the pyramids and Stonehenge…and aliens… 
Because it's old, and weird, it's probably good to get it out of the way before the real stuff (though note that it's not really a great introduction for Dan’s work generally...) 
Deals with 'pre-history', and is set around (spoiler alert)...the Bronze Age! (i.e., around about 1200 to 1000 BCE) 
The Assyrian Empire - 2300 to 600 BCE. Pretty hardcore.
A general discussion of the Greeks and Persians, primarily from the Battle of Marathon to Battle of Plataea (including Thermopylae in between) - 490 to 479 BCE, and then a summation up until the time of Alexander and then the ending of the "old old world" – note, this overlaps a lot with Kings of Kings...
This series of three episodes starts almost exactly the same as Shield of the West (regarding Spartans generally and Thermopylae in particular), and then covers similar topics, but in much more detail, and kind of from a different perspective (i.e., the Persians'). 
More specifically, Episode 56 deals with the end of the Assyrian Empire (circa 700BCE) to the death of Cyrus, Episode 57 looks at Cyrus’ children to the Battle of Macedon (490BCE), and Episode 58 goes from the aftermath of the Battle of Macedon to Alexander (i.e., the last “King of Kings”). 
Dan refers to Victor Davis-Hanson (see Episode 24 below), plus some of his other greatest hits (e.g., themes from Old School Toughness, American Peril, and even makes references to WWI and Apaches!), which obviously come later in this chronology...
First ever episode, quite short, focuses primarily on Alexander the Great’s life (and how bad he might have been).
Looks at the power struggles that took place after the death of Alexander the Great.
Note: Dan does this weird thing in the middle, where he speeds up his reading of the timeline of events after Alexander died (back when he used to worry about how long his podcasts might go!). Fortunately, he then includes the full thing at the very end. 
An interview/conversation with Victor Davis-Hanson. Starts out with his work on the Hoplites’ fighting style (as seen in Shield of the West, etc), and why the classics (including Greek classics) are important. Also ends with a discussion about Alexander the Great vs Julius Caesar, and some talk about the Punic Wars (coming up next). In between is stuff about modern people, including 19th century farmers and pioneers, and “the West” generally. The dude is VERY conservative, in the true sense of the term, as well as the political, and critical of modern people and education. Gives more of an insight into Dan as well (with his VERY leading questions).  
Dan's first 'series', these three episodes look at the struggles between the Carthaginians and the emerging Roman powerhouse. Specifically, Episode 21 (Punic Nightmares I) starts around 264 BCE-ish, Episode 22 (Punic Nightmares II) continues with Hannibal's rampages across Italy, and then Episode 23 (Punic Nightmares III) finishes around 146 BCE-ish. 
A conversation with Mike Duncan regarding the end of the Roman Republic. 
Episode 34 (Death Throes of the Republic I) refers to the Punic Wars before this (and gives a rough idea of Rome’s rise), then gets into the Roman Republic stuff proper around 133BCE. 
Episode 35 (Death Throes of the Republic II) looks at the rise of Gaius Marius (around 100BCE). Episode 36 (Death Throes of the Republic III) then gets into the rise of Sulla, with Episode 37 (Death Throes of the Republic IV) dealing with the final clashes between Marius and Sulla around 80 BCE. 
Episode 38 (Death Throes of the Republic V) sees the proper introduction of the new guard (including Julius Caesar), and Episode 39 (Death Throes of the Republic VI) wraps it all up in an episode in which, as Dan himself says, (spoiler alert) "Virtually everyone dies". 
Technically, most of the events here take place during those in Death Throes (although some slightly pre-date them (back to 390 BC), but most relate to Caesar and Gaul, which is in Death Throes VI), but I think it's best to listen here, so as not to break up Death Throes
Although this is primarily about the Germanic peoples of Europe (including Charlemagne), it starts out with the fall of the Roman Empire, including stuff from the 300s onwards (AD), and the Germanic peoples’ role in that. 
Dans first “extra” episode – starts out with a lot of chit-chat, but gets into some interesting ‘extra’ stuff, including military stuff about the Germanic tribes.
Primarily about the Norman invasion of England, with a little bit pre- and post- regarding the Normans generally (as well as some history of Britain after the Romans left).
Starts with the Huns invading the Roman Empire in the late 4th century. Also deals with the ancient Scythians all the way through to the Mongols and slightly beyond. Probably serves as a good introduction, an aperitif if you will, to Wrath of the Khans... 
Mainly on Genghis Khan’s origins (around 1162 AD) and the establishment of the Mongolian Empire, through to his grandchildren, including Kublai Khan (late 1200s), and then the gradual decline of the Mongol Empire (the individual episodes are Episode 43, 44, 45, 46 and 47 (Wrath of the Khans I to V)). Some incredible stuff here I had no idea about (including the fact that the Mongols turned up in the middle of the Crusades in the Holy Land and freaked out BOTH the Christians and the Muslims!)
Now with MORE Wrath!!! 
A podcast about general plagues/pandemics throughout the ages, including the Spanish Influenza in the early 20th century, but, that said, it's mostly about the Black Death in the 14th century, which is why I've put it here. Refers to the various changes this wrought on European society, including the changes to the Catholic church (and a reference to Martin Luthor). 
The history of children, includes references to Ancient Greece and Carthage, as well as quotes regarding how children were viewed in the 1400s, up to the 1800s (e.g., a reference to Winston Churchill), and then to the present-day. Could go anywhere, but I’m putting it here… 
A bit of the history of the Catholic Church from the fall of the Roman Empire through to the Reformation (and Martin Luther’s Protestantism around 1517). Then segues into the specific story Dan wants to tell involving the city of Munster and the Anabaptists in the 1530s. One of my favourites, partly because I’d never heard of this story, but also because Dan tells it so well (though he seems to disagree!) 
The Age of Exploration and, specifically, Magellan’s circumnavigation of the word circa 1519.
Pain and torture as entertainment throughout the ages, with a particular focus on the French Revolution (which is why I've put it here).
Dan really starts hitting his stride here in his second ever Hardcore History episode, regarding the rise of the West and the decline of the Near East. I would place it around the 1700s, as it talks about that being the time that the West assumed military dominance over the East, thanks to guns (prior to that, the East had an advantage with horses). He also talks about Napolean’s invasion of Egypt, and the American Revolution (at the end of the 1700s). 
About the Native American warrior and chief Tecumseh (around 1780 AD) AND Vercingetorix, the Celtic warrior and chief who fought Julius Caesar. We've already got multiple doses of Vercingetorix (in Death Throes of the Republic and The Celtic Holocaust), so I've put it here. 
Slavery throughout the ages, but a lot about American slavery, which gets us to the 1860s.
Mostly about the end of the 'Indian wars' in the late 1800s and Geronimo (who even met Teddy Roosevelt around 1905!) – also goes back to the historical origins of the Apaches, and their interactions with the Spanish, the Mexicans and then the US. 
The ‘closing of the frontier’ in the US around 1890, and the nation's subsequent look outwards, mostly focusing on the Spanish-American war at the end of the 1800s and the start of the 1900s (including Cuba and the Phillipines). Also includes Teddy Roosevelt! 
I haven't broken this down year by year, as these 6 episodes basically go into detail about the entirety of World War I, from beginning to end (or at least, those parts that Dan has time to focus on). A bit of a shout-out for the Aussies, which is nice!
This is a conversation with historian Peter Hart, which mainly looks at the very last few days of WWI (as covered in his recent book). 
No surprises here - this is a post-WWI podcast. 
The development of the League of Nations, and its success or otherwise, also post-WWI. 
Dan seems VERY prescient in this episode! He notes that we get complacent, but things like the Great Depression (the focus in this episode) could always happen again – and he recorded this only a year before the GFC proper (although the first signs of the GFC, in retrospect, were to be seen only in the months after this podcast was released!). 
The rise of Japanese militarism, focuses a lot on late 1800s and early 1900s, concludes in the mid-1930s around the Rape of Nanjing. 
Mostly looks at his life before WWII, along with a bit once the war started, which isn’t really dealt with in his other WWII episodes, such as Ghosts of the Ostfront (below). 
Note: includes actual audio from Churchill, which really adds to it.
Primarily the development of Adolf Hitler’s Nazism, pre-WWII.
Addendum Episode 1 – Imperial Germany vs Nazi Germany 
In this first HH Addendum episode, Dan considers which German army was better - the one from WWI or the one from WWII. Spoiler alert - Nazis are bad.
This is the first series I might actually break up...
Goes from the Rape of Nanjing to the attack on Pearl Harbour (December 1941). 
Note: I have a feeling the next episode might take us to the end of WWII in the Pacific, which may require me to move this around a bit more...
Episodes 27 to 30: Ghosts of the Ostfront 
Looks at an aspect of World War II that I (and no doubt many in the West) didn't know about - the experience on Germany's eastern front, with the Soviet Union (as opposed to the western front, that involved many of the English-speaking nations). Individual episodes are:
Episode 27: Ghosts of the Ostfront I (the beginning of Germany attacking the USSR)
Episode 28: Ghosts of the Ostfront II (1941, including the attempts to take Moscow)
Episode 29: Ghosts of the Ostfront III (1942 and early 1943, including the Battle of Stalingrad)
Episode 30: Ghosts of the Ostfront IV (the final battles between the USSR and Germany, with the Soviets entering Berlin)
The experience of being on a US ship that went down late in WWII (in 1945). 
Primarily considers the dropping of the nuclear bombs on Japan, but includes a bit about the gradual increase of attacking civilians from the air, including around WWI, and then the Blitz in WWII, as well as the firebombing of Japan (culminating in the dropping of the nuclear bombs). 
Dan and History on Fire host Danielle Bolelli do a crosscast together about Nazis, political spectrums, U.S. Presidents they want back (including a bit about Ike post WWII) and some other stuff. 
Immediately post-WWII, and the West's realisation that they needed to keep the USSR in check. Apparently the 'official' start of the Cold War is 1947, when Churchill made his "Iron Curtain" speech...  
Episode 40: (BLITZ) Radical Thoughts 
Starts with a 'what-if' in November 1948, then deals with the second ‘Red Scare’, in the 1940s and 50s (and 60s), also then looks at the first Red Scare after the first World War, also goes all the way back to the French Revolution and its reverberations regarding anarchism and communism from then.
Again gets into nuclear proliferation post WWII, with a lot about JFK and the Cuban Missile Crisis (in 1962).
This is the first 'Blitz' episode, so Dan actually explains what Blitz episodes are here (basically, not linear narratives, but general ramblings on a topic). Focuses a lot on JFK, the WWII leaders and Napolean.
An overview of the Vietnam War, followed by a conversation with war correspondent Sir Max Hastings about his experience in Vietnam. 
A lot of this is about “Could we beat our grandfathers?” (not NOW (he's not advocating going to nursing homes and beating up old people), but when they were in their prime - e.g., the ‘Greatest Generation’ from WWII) and the general toughness/military decline of societies, from the Medes, to the Spartans ... to us! Some general discussion on how history is taught/written now versus in the past, too. Finishes looking at how things may change in the future.
The first of the interview/conversation episodes, with Dan talking to historian James Burke. Mostly looks at our current time, in the context of the past but also looking towards the future (hence why I have it following Old School Toughness). Also makes a small reference to the ‘Dark Ages’ and the Saxon invasions of England plus a fascinating link of 10 historical figures from around the 18th century. 
Episode 25: The Dyer Outlook
Another interview/conversation, this time with historian Gwynne Dyer. They talk a bit about WWI (and WWII), but a lot about current society, or very recent history (e.g., the war in Afghanistan, the state of the European Union). 
Note: 'Current society' means society in January 2009, when this episode was recorded. 
Addendum Episode 3 – A Four-Star Conversation
Another conversation, this time with Four-Star General and former U.S. Air Force Chief-of-Staff Merrill McPeak.  

And that's it (for now)! As new episodes are released I sometimes have to tweak this, but based on poor old Dan's current output, I only have to do that a couple of times a year!

(Aaaaand this has got me inspired to listen to all of Hardcore History all over again. Time to break out episode 7...)