We will never forget Pixie-Ann, you clown

That rilestar guy's been at it again.
Magda Szubanski recently ranted about cyclists on Beach Road in Melbourne, and finished off by saying car drivers should take one out with their car door.
She's a difference-maker.
A message board about this seemed to have a fair bit of support for her untenable and ridiculous position (which she has since apologised for) from clearly retarded people who should not be allowed as passengers in cars, let alone drivers, and so rilestar weighed in with this:

Every time I'm riding my bike and I see a car driver run a red light, I just think: "How funny would it be if I stab the next car driver I see in the throat?" Oh, hang on. That wouldn't be funny at all. Plus, an over-reaction like that, killing someone who might have nothing to do with my initial frustration, would make me a bit of pyschopath.
So relax "car drivers" (just so you know, most cyclists also drive cars at other times, so the distinction is quite unnecessary - plus this means we DO pay registration, et cetera, et cetera). If a person upsets you, you know the only person you should feel upset at? That's right - that other person. Not an entire group.
Unless you're a Nazi, of course.
As for Magda Szubanski, she may not be fat any more, but man is she lazy. A rant at cyclists? Wow. Ground-breaking. Let me know the next time she unleashes on bank queues or her mother-in-law.

So let me do the ranting, Magda, and you can do the unfunny thing.
For an entire career.

It was the best of times...

...it was the blurst of times.
The best was most of the game until maybe half-way through the last quarter.
The blurst? Everything since.
Man, this sucks.
I know one thing: Geelong is no longer my second team. They are close to sixteenth (obviously allowing for any South Australian teams to remain below them).
Ahhhh. It feels good to really despise a team - we Saints don't have any real rivalries, but this is the beginning of a beautiful one.
Onya Maxy. Pity you couldn't play on the day, and you'll be missed.
And despite some people singing his praises and betting that he would win the Norm Smith at odds of 101 to 1, according to Rohan Connolly, Raph Clarke should have made way for Maxy on the day.
That said, we still love ya, boys. We're used to disappointment and loss and the crying and the losing of the sunglasses and licking of the strangers after the game.
Next year, yadeyadeyada.
PS Onya Cadel, too. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Pick on someone your own spellingz

Oh. My. God.
I have a confession to make. A horrible, gut-wrenching confession. And even though this post is in support of something, meaning it should technically be an ‘anti-rant’, I’m putting it firmly in the ‘rant’ category.
A rant at myself.
Because, today, I agreed with Miranda Devine.
I feel terrible, but she MADE SENSE.
Not the whole time, but at least for a bit...and I agreed with her.
How can this be?!?!
She wrote a piece about Friend of the Show Steve Fielding, and the ridicule he’s been receiving about his inability to pronounce or spell words properly. Ordinarily, that’s hilarious. I agree with Larissa Ham and John Richard's posse when it comes to being a spelling and grammar snob.
Plus, he’s in the legislative game, he should be able to read and write.
But he’s admitted that he’s grown up with a learning disability – possibly dyslexia – and been ridiculed all his life about it. That’s way harsh. He’s clearly not dumb – and even if he was, the voters (and ALP powerbrokers, who ensured he got their preferences over the Greens) put him in office. There’s nothing in the constitution about dumb people not being able to serve (let alone about dumb people not being able to vote - a topic for another rant, methinks).
But that’s beside the point. He’s not dumb – he’s admitted he has a learning disability, and possibly so does his son. So, if that's true, LEAVE HIM ALONE. To use a well-worn footy analogy: play the ball, not the man.
He’s a Climate Change Denier. THAT’S why he’s a clown – no need to get into his personal and family life.
Some civility please, people.
Don’t make me agree with Miranda Devine again.
PS Speaking of footy: Go Saints (registered for my GF ticket OH YEAH!).

How about I suspend YOUR sentence?

With a knuckle sandwich. Yeah, that's right, you heard me.
Background to that confusing opening:
It's a very easy bandwagon to jump on...and so I shall.
I reckon any judge who lets a child sex offender off easily is suspect, and in unrelated news I'd like to point out this case where a man called RODNEY PETER SMITH downloaded 40 hours of child pornography video and 7569 images (with most of the children between five and 10 years old, even some babies!) and was given a suspended sentence.
For the non-legal among you, that means he walked free.
Here's an idea - the cops should have the power to check the computers and secret passageways of any judge who doesn't give a child sex offender a harsh penalty. For Christ's sake, the maximum penalty for one of the charges was 10 years' jail!
Knock it up a notch, judge!
Don't make potential right-wing nutjob Steve Medcraft, the spokesman for People Against Lenient Sentencing, spell it out to you: "Suspended sentences are a farce on most of the charges... Sex offenders should not have the luxury of suspended sentences. It sends a poor message to the community that our standards are this slack."

Of course, judges don’t suspend sentences for cyclists who hit cyclists, but maybe they empathise more with child sex offenders, that's all I'm saying…
Note: None of this constitutes contempt of court. I totally promise and affirm.

A Massive Dickhead Part II

A Sequel of Stupidity.
In a classic case of a fat, no-talent pot calling a much more talented kettle which also has a weight problem "fat", Kyle Sandilands also made the hilarious comment that Magda Szubanski could lose more weight if she was put in a concentration camp. Because that's what concentration camps are for: weight loss.
Man, that guy's a cocknocker.

Happy are the unemployed

Jesus said that, didn't he? That's gotta be the only reason the Catholic Church is trying to force one of its most popular priests, Father Bob Maguire, to retire.
I don’t know if I should support their position, knowing that actions like this could ultimately lead to the death of the Church, or support Father Bob, because he’s a good bloke.
Obviously, if I was religious, I’d be going for the position that destroyed the most people possible, especially people who have slightly different beliefs, because that's what religious people like. And that would mean supporting the Church's own-goal in this case of getting rid of good priests who don’t molest children and thus contributing to its own decline.
But I think I’m just going to have to support Father Bob on this, even though a win for him would mean priests such as he can continue preaching, thus allowing the Church to survive a little bit longer.
Call it my un-Christian values.
Good luck, Bob. Fight the power.

What a Raph-elation!

Some commentators out there think it's big and/or clever to bag people who are just having a go. Case in point: there was an article in The Age a few weeks ago about each footy team having a scapegoat for when things go wrong, and the poor recipient of this low type of behaviour in the St Kilda Football Club tends to be Raphael Clarke.
But I watched him last night in the Collingwood v Saints Qualifying Smashing and I must say that, much like his TMNT namesake, with the right encouragement he just gets better and better.
He was holding tackles, nearly kicked his first goal of the year, and pushed Magilla Ma-Rocca around to such an extent that I believe Raph now Owns him!
So good on ya, Raph - don't listen to the haters.
The Norm Smith is yours to lose.