Easter – Let’s all remember Jesus’ sacrifice or, like, y’know, whatever

It's not all rants on this blog.

I love Easter, for example. It allows good Christian folk to revert back to their pagan roots, just like they secretly yearn to do. Jesus died on the cross at during Jewish Passover. Consequently, we must all eat chocolate eggs left in our garden by the Easter Bunny.

Excuse me? I think someone needs more practice operating their logic machine.

Ah, it's all good, though. Fact of the matter is, Christianity has always appeared to have a healthy relationship with paganism - and what could be wrong with that? A lot of Christian doctrine has a lot more in common with pagan ideas than with Judaism, from whence it supposedly sprang.

Your god dying and then coming back to life 3 days later (assuming for the moment that Sunday is three days after Friday)? Try out the (originally Persian, I think) god Mithras, the subject of a cult especially popular amongst Roman soldiers from around 300 BC, and who was being resurrected way before Jesus made it fashionable. Mithraism was spread out all over the Roman Empire – I can actually verify this having visited Mithras shrines myself in both Slovenia (in Ptuj) and on Hadrian’s Wall (Newcastle).

Yeah, I’m the man.

But getting back to paganism and made-up stories, how about the virgin birth? Unfortunately, already a well-worn pagan road - apparently Perseus, and, of course, Mithras again, were born of virgin mothers. Mithras also just happened to have been born on 25 December.

So why the rejection of Jewish doctrine, when Jesus himself was a devout Jew? That seems to be more a product of history – the four gospels found in the Bible were written just after the Romans had finally decided to rid themselves of their Jewish "problem" between 60 and 70 A.D., when they put down numerous insurrections and finally sacked the Temple in Jerusalem and burnt it to the ground (so, yes, when the evangelists wrote of Jesus predicting the fall of the temple, they were kind of writing with the benefit of what is known as hindsight). Anyhoo, the new Christian movement tried to distance itself as much as possible from the Jews of the time. Not to mention the fact that Paul was doing his best to convert gentiles left, right and centre, and was quite happy that they not undertake any Jewish ritual, so long as they accepted Paul’s version of Jesus’ message. Did I mention that Paul never met Jesus? No? How remiss of me.

Finally, once Emperor Constantine decided to make Christianity the new State religion in the fourth century A.D., and move its headquarters to Rome and appoint the heads of the church himself (“pontiff” is derived from the Latin “Pontifex Maximus”, who was the high priest of the Ancient Roman College of Pontiffs), Christianity was able to rid itself of its troublesome Jewish connection, re-establish its true pagan roots, and get into some serious anti-semitism for the next 2000 or so years. Glory be to the Highest!!!

Don’t worry about any of this, though.

Just eat your chocolate eggs. Not only do they boost the economy…they’re yummy!!!

PS As for Easter next year – just consult your local astrologer – the dates of Easter depend on the movements of the moon, just like any good Christian festival should.

PPS For the record, I'm a good ol' Irish Catholic with a passing interest in actual history.