Batman vs Superman vs Fun and Logic

I know I haven't posted for a while, but something has been happening that is so monumental, a conflict that is so important not just to America, but to Australia (and the rest of the world) as well, a generational change that may affect our lives for years to come, that I had to come back out of retirement, like some kind of vigilante.

I'm of course talking about the most recent DC movie, involving the battle, supposedly, between Batman and Superman (which, spoiler alert, was spoiled by the title to this blog post). 

To provide some background, I only became a Batman-Fan (or 'Bat-Fan' ... or 'Ba-an'?) relatively recently - around the time that The Dark Knight Rises came out - so Batman V Superman was basically the first Batman movie to be released since I became obsessed about the character (and other DC stuff). To say I was looking forward to it is putting it mildly - I invited about 20 friends and family to join me at the screening the first weekend, wearing much Gear O' Geek.

Almost 3 hours later, I apologised to everyone and promised not to put them through such an experience again.

What went wrong? How could anything go wrong? This was Super-freaking-man vs The Goddamn Batman!

A couple of my initial tongue-in-cheek reviews of the movie were as follows:

• "For a Superman sequel, 'Batman V Superman' is a pretty good Batman film"; and
• "For a movie called 'Batman V Superman', it's a pretty good Wonder Woman film!"

But those slightly snarky reviews weren't enough. I obsessed. I went a second time even (by myself that time...well, it was me and 3 other people in the whole cinema, really pumping up those box office numbers). I read so many reviews, some moderately positive, many others less so. And, gradually, I thought of some minor improvements (all right, some were pretty major) that could potentially 'fix' the film. They would avoid a lot, if not all, of the problems that people have had with the movie (especially those people, such as Mrs rilestar, who have very little exposure to the DC Universe and who would appreciate a more comprehensible movie, let alone the millions of children who would also like to watch a movie with BOTH Batman AND Superman that's not SUPER-DEPRESSING).

So, as a quick overview, below are my suggested changes to the outline of the movie (based on the plot currently set out in the Wikipedia entry), with certain scenes cut, and a few moved around or modified or (especially at the end) added in). I've explained the changes in a bit more detail after that.

You'll see I'd be happy to keep a whole bunch of it, especially at the start - some scenes (particularly those with Batman - I like the Batfleck a lot) are great. Some of the stuff is terrible, though, especially  at the end, and even more especially when it comes to logic and the reasons anything happens. My suggestions would hopefully fix a lot of those problems. Basically, it comes down to establishing a good reason for Batman and Superman to fight, a good reason for them to stop fighting, and a good resolution to the conflict (which does NOT include Doomsday or Superman dying*).

Unfortunately, especially given the large changes I would suggest at the end, this isn't really something that can be fixed with some basic edits to the existing movie, although some individual changes could, and I'd be happy if anyone accepted the challenge to make a fan edit based on any or all of these suggestions!

Batman V Superman: Justice Punches Everyone Right In The Face 

Note: To make it clear, the changes to the Wikipedia entry are noted with the cuts being 'struck-through', and the additions/moved stuff in red. However, an easier to read version is below - just scroll down - without the strike-throughs and the red stuff.

Eighteen months after the destructive battle with General Zod in Metropolis in the climax of Man of Steel, Superman has become controversial. Daily Planet journalist Clark Kent, Superman's alter ego, has moved in with Lois Lane. Bruce Wayne, who has operated in Gotham City as the vigilante "Batman" for nearly two decades, sees Superman as a potential threat to humanity. After learning of Batman's activities, Superman also views him as a threat, and seeks to stop him via the Daily Planet articles authored by him as Kent. Wayne learns that Russian weapon-trafficker Anatoli Knyazev has been contacting LexCorp's mogul Lex Luthor. Meanwhile, Luthor tries to convince Senator June Finch to allow him to import kryptonite retrieved from the Indian Ocean following the results of Zod's terraforming attempt, claiming to use it as a "deterrent" against Kryptonians, but she denies the request. He also makes side dealings with Finch's subordinate and demands access to Zod's body and the Kryptonian scout ship. 

Wayne attends Luthor's party at LexCorp, where he meets mysterious antiques dealer Diana Prince, and retrieves encrypted data from the company's mainframe. While decrypting the drive at the Batcave, Wayne has a ‘dream’ of a post-apocalyptic world, where he leads a group of rebels against Superman. He is snapped out of the dream by an unidentified time traveler, who warns him of Lane's crucial role in the distant future, and urges him to find "the others". Wayne later realizes that Luthor is not only experimenting with Kryptonite, but also investigating metahumans. One of them is Prince herself, who is an immortal warrior. Wayne admits to Alfred Pennyworth that he plans to steal the kryptonite to weaponize it, should it become necessary to fight Superman.  

Batman cases out the White Portuguese, then chases the bad guys. One of them (Anatoli Knyazev) shoots Batman (or the Batmobile) with something like fear toxin (or just a tech device) that causes Batman to hallucinate a post-apocalyptic world, where he leads a group of rebels against Superman. The Batmobile then crashes into Superman, who has been lured to the same point by Anatoli with a ruse implying that Lois Lane was in trouble (perhaps the same device that is attached to the Batmobile also broadcasts her screams). In light of Batman’s hallucination with an all-powerful Superman and then running into Superman, and due to Superman’s general distrust of the Bat of Gotham plus the possibility that he may be a danger to Lois, both regard the other a major threat.    Luthor orchestrates a bombing at a congressional hearing where Finch is questioning Superman on the validity of his actions, which have resulted in deaths of civilians. The bomb kills dozens of people, including Finch. Frustrated by his failure to save people, Superman goes into self-imposed exile.  Discovering that Wallace Keefe (the unwitting bomber) was a Wayne employee, Superman believes that Batman orchestrated the bombing to kill Superman. Batman breaks into LexCorp (perhaps with the acquiescence of Luthor, especially now that Luthor knows that Batman wants the kryptonite) and steals the kryptonite, planning to use it to battle Superman by building a powered exoskeleton, and creating a kryptonite grenade launcher and a kryptonite-tipped spear. He also sends Clark Kent a note that says “I know who you are”, with the Bat symbol/brand. Meanwhile, Luthor enters the Kryptonian ship and learns of its functions, as well as recorded alien worlds. 

Luthor kidnaps Martha Kent, Clark's adoptive mother. He reveals that he has manipulated Superman and Batman by fueling their animosity for each other. Luthor demands Superman fight and kill Batman in exchange for Martha's life. Superman tries to reason with Batman, but Batman instigates a fight with Superman and ultimately gains the upper hand. Before Batman can kill Superman with the spear, Superman urges Batman to "save Martha", whose name is also shared with Wayne's late mother. Lane arrives and explains the situation that Luthor has manipulated Superman and Batman by fueling their animosity for each other, and that he has kidnapped Martha Kent for ‘insurance’ (assuming that Superman would survive the fight with Batman), convincing Batman that Superman is not a threat. Upon learning of Luthor's plan, Batman leaves to rescue Martha, while Superman confronts Luthor on the scout ship.

Luthor convinces Superman (who believes Martha is still in danger) to help him get access to the alien ship. Luthor then uses Superman’s presence to restart the ship, generating the electricity etc that threatens the city. But once Superman receives word from Batman that Martha is safe, he attacks Luthor. However, Luthor had been watching everything between Batman and Superman and now knows how to defeat Superman, and uses his own version of weaponised kryptonite gas, along with the Batman spear that his agents have recovered from the fight scene, to subdue Superman. Batman arrives but is also subdued by Luthor (as Luthor has been planning how to take down the Bat of Gotham for some time), or perhaps just by the ship's own defences (controlled by Luthor). executes his backup plan, unleashing a genetically-engineered monster with DNA from both Zod's body and his own. However, Diana Prince arrives unexpectedly. Revealing her metahuman nature, she joins forces with them to fight the creature Luthor. Together, they defeat Luthor and save the city. They are soon outmatched by its power, as it can absorb and redirect energy. Realizing that it is also vulnerable to kryptonite, Superman retrieves the kryptonite spear. With Batman and Prince's help distracting it, Superman impales the monster. As it dies, the creature stabs and kills a weakened Superman with one of its bone protrusions. 

Luthor is arrested, and while confronted by Batman he gloats that Superman's death has made the world is vulnerable to powerful alien threats. A memorial is held for Superman in Metropolis. Clark is also declared dead and Wayne, Lane, Martha, and Prince attend a private funeral for him in Smallville. Martha gives an envelope to Lane which contains an engagement ring from Clark. After the funeral credits, Wayne reveals to Prince that he plans to form a team of metahumans, starting with the ones from Luthor's files to Clark Kent and Diana Prince  , to help protect the world in Superman's absence. After they leave, a faint heartbeat echoes from Clark's coffin and the dirt around it begins to levitate. After watching each of them, Bruce looks at both Clark and Diana and says “So there are even more of you?!?” 

Batman V Superman: Justice Kicks Everyone In The Groin (without all the strikethroughs etc)

Eighteen months after the destructive battle with General Zod in Metropolis in the climax of Man of Steel, Superman has become controversial. Daily Planet journalist Clark Kent, Superman's alter ego, has moved in with Lois Lane. Bruce Wayne, who has operated in Gotham City as the vigilante "Batman" for nearly two decades, sees Superman as a potential threat to humanity. After learning of Batman's activities, Superman also views him as a threat, and seeks to stop him via the Daily Planet articles authored by him as Kent. Wayne learns that Russian weapon-trafficker Anatoli Knyazev has been contacting LexCorp's mogul Lex Luthor. Meanwhile, Luthor tries to convince Senator June Finch to allow him to import kryptonite retrieved from the Indian Ocean following the results of Zod's terraforming attempt, claiming to use it as a "deterrent" against Kryptonians, but she denies the request. He also makes side dealings with Finch's subordinate and demands access to the Kryptonian scout ship. 

Wayne attends Luthor's party at LexCorp, where he meets mysterious antiques dealer Diana Prince, and retrieves encrypted data from the company's mainframe. While decrypting the drive at the Batcave, Wayne has a ‘dream’ of an unidentified time traveler, who warns him of Lane's crucial role in the distant future, and urges him to find "the others". Wayne later realizes that Luthor is not only experimenting with Kryptonite, but also investigating metahumans. One of them is Prince herself, who is an immortal warrior. Wayne admits to Alfred Pennyworth that he plans to steal the kryptonite to weaponize it, should it become necessary to fight Superman. 

Batman cases out the White Portuguese, then chases the bad guys. One of them (Anatoli Knyazev) shoots Batman (or the Batmobile) with something like fear toxin (or just a tech device) that causes Batman to hallucinate a post-apocalyptic world, where he leads a group of rebels against Superman. The Batmobile then crashes into Superman, who has been lured to the same point by Anatoli with a ruse implying that Lois Lane was in trouble (perhaps the same device that is attached to the Batmobile also broadcasts her screams). In light of Batman’s hallucination with an all-powerful Superman and then running into Superman, and due to Superman’s general distrust of the Bat of Gotham plus the possibility that he may be a danger to Lois, both regard the other a major threat. 

Luthor orchestrates a bombing at a congressional hearing where Finch is questioning Superman on the validity of his actions, which have resulted in deaths of civilians. The bomb kills dozens of people, including Finch. Discovering that Wallace Keefe (the unwitting bomber) was a Wayne employee, Superman believes that Batman orchestrated the bombing to kill Superman. Batman breaks into LexCorp (perhaps with the knowledge of Luthor, especially now that Luthor knows that Batman wants the kryptonite) and steals the kryptonite, planning to use it to battle Superman by building a powered exoskeleton, and creating a kryptonite grenade launcher and a kryptonite-tipped spear. He also sends Clark Kent a note that says “I know who you are”, with the Bat symbol/brand.  

Luthor kidnaps Martha Kent, Clark's adoptive mother. Batman instigates a fight with Superman and ultimately gains the upper hand. Before Batman can kill Superman with the spear, Lane arrives and explains that Luthor has manipulated Superman and Batman by fueling their animosity for each other, and that he has kidnapped Martha Kent for ‘insurance’ (assuming that Superman would survive), convincing Batman that Superman is not a threat. Upon learning of Luthor's plan, Batman leaves to rescue Martha, while Superman confronts Luthor on the scout ship. 

Luthor convinces Superman (who believes Martha is still in danger) to help him get access to the alien ship. Luthor then uses Superman’s presence to restart the ship, generating the electricity etc that threatens the city. But once Superman receives word from Batman that Martha is safe, he attacks Luthor. However, Luthor had been watching everything between Batman and Superman and now knows how to defeat Superman, and uses his own version of weaponised kryptonite gas, along with the Batman spear that his agents have recovered from the fight scene, to subdue Superman. Batman arrives but is also subdued by Luthor (as Luthor has been planning how to take down the Bat of Gotham for some time), or perhaps just by the ship's own defences (controlled by Luthor). However, Diana Prince arrives unexpectedly. Revealing her metahuman nature, she joins forces with them to fight Luthor. Together, they defeat Luthor and save the city.  

Luthor is arrested, and while confronted by Batman he gloats that the world is vulnerable to powerful alien threats.

After the credits, Wayne reveals Luthor's files to Clark Kent and Diana Prince. After watching each of them, Bruce looks at both Clark and Diana and says “So there are even more of you?!?”

This involves keeping most of the story from the movie, but moving some bits around and, in particular, changing the ending quite a bit.

Importantly, there’s only one Big Bad (apart from each other), and it’s Luthor (i.e., no Doomsday.). He’s manipulating both Bats and Supes to fight the whole time (as alluded to in the existing B V S, but this is much more clear, possibly only in retrospect). He feeds misinformation to both of them, forcing a confrontation. In particular:

• This ensures that Luthor is at least partially responsible for Batman's hallucination of the dystopian future (ie, where he fights in the desert, and there’s an all-powerful Superman). This could be foreshadowed earlier with Bruce watching footage of Superman in the desert from the start (giving him a reason for this hallucination) – this could even be footage that Luthor has (he did have men there, after all), that Bruce cracks into. It also puts that vision/hallucination in immediate proximity to Batman's literal run-in with Superman, making Superman's apparent danger much more immediate. Therefore, he decides at that moment that he has to take Superman down (but obviously can’t do it then and there). This gets rid of that terrible precognition ability Bruce seems to have. 
• He can still see the vision of the Flash while looking at Luthor’s files – but I think one dream-like sequence is enough at that point in time (and it should probably be explained better, for all the normal people).
• Incidentally, by ensuring Superman is there to be hit by Batman’s car due to Luthor's men luring him there, this gets around the fact that Supes takes out Bats instead of the escaping criminals – i.e., he doesn’t know that Bats is after criminals, and Batman's car is also likely to be out of control due to the hallucinations, not because Bats is an uncaring sociopath.  Therefore (after the car crash), despite discovering Lois is not in trouble, Supes is still suspicious that Bats has something to do with Lois being in trouble.
• Then, when the Capitol building explodes, Superman's discovery (possibly thanks to Luthor again) that Wallace Keefe (the wheelchair guy) was a Wayne employee, makes him certain that Bruce Wayne (who he knows is Batman) has to be taken down.
• I also reckon it would be cool if we saw that Batman worked out who Superman was (he’s the World’s Greatest Detective, plus he's also able to use his imagination to work out what Clark Kent looks like without glasses), so that's why, during his preparation phase, we see Clark Kent get an envelope with the message “I know who you are” with a Bat symbol – this provides even more reason for Superman to fear Batman and take him out. 
• The lighting of the Bat-signal, and the interaction between Supes and Bats (and the consequent fight) could all be done very similarly, except it makes more sense here (and we remove another 'Lois must be saved' scene. At this point, neither Batman nor Superman know that Luthor has manipulated them.
• BUT, just as Bats is about to make the killing blow – and to give Lois's character more of a role – get Lois to have solved the fact that Luthor is behind all of this, and that he has Superman’s mother, and she tells them (she’s an investigative journalist, after all). Or maybe get Luthor to announce over a loudspeaker: “Is that all you’ve got, 'Super'-man? If you die now, you won’t be able to rescue your mother.” Bats therefore realizes it’s Luthor, decides not to kill Supes. OR a combination of both – Luthor trying to egg them on to get Superman killed, and Lois then comes in to stop them and tells Superman that Martha has been captured. NOTE – because Bruce decides not to kill Superman for logical reasons, not because he and his mother have the same name, there's no need to beat us over the head with the “Martha” stuff throughout the rest of the movie. Also, Superman only has to save Lois once in the movie (ie, at the start), not THREE times. 
• As an aside, also cut the earlier scene of Bruce in the family crypt with the weird blood/Bat-demon thing – no need. Plus that thing with Kevin Costner on top of a mountain for no reason can get cut for a good reason (it's pointless). 
• They decide to team up to take out Luthor – Bats goes after Martha Kent, Supes to get Luthor. Batman hides the kryptonite spear to come back for it later, but Luthor’s agents grab it after they leave (this was possibly the point of Luthor getting them to fight in the first place, to find out how to Batman would take Superman down, and now he knows that the spear, along with weaponised Kryptonite-gas, could be the key – we could even see him watching the fight on a monitor, where he remarks, when the kryptonite-gas is realeased: “Gas, of course. Ingenious!”). I would think we might also see that Luthor’s (Eisenberg’s) craziness is just an act, and he’s instead coldly calculating when alone.
• Batman’s fight to then save Martha is perfect and doesn’t need to be changed.
• Luthor is in the spaceship, needing Superman (or maybe just HIS fingerprints/hand?) to gain entry/get access to the tech. It's ridiculous that a human could gain access to an alien spaceship and obtain complete control of it while speaking English. Instead, Superman turns up, Luthor then uses a real, live Kryptonian to get the access he needs, he starts mucking around with the tech and the weird lightning stuff starts happening in and around the ship. Maybe he broadcasts something to the public that the aliens (and a jealous Gothamite?) intend to destroy Metropolis for good this time. Public everywhere very scared. 
• But then Supes gets word that Bats has saved Martha, so Superman beats Luthor around a bit, but then Luthor uses the kryptonite gas to immobilise him. Bats turns up, Luthor also has a solution for taking him out (a bit easier, since he’s human). Luthor even looks at some of Bats’ stuff, sees a Wayne symbol and says “Bruce Wayne must have been drunker than usual to sell this to you. He and I are going to have words.”
• Luthor’s agents turn up, deliver the spear to Luthor. JUST when it looks like Luthor’s won – Wonder Woman shows up. Guitar music. He hasn’t planned for her AT ALL. She liberates Supes, and she and he easily take Luthor down. Bats can yell stuff out from the sidelines. “Let me down! I can help!” 
• Defeated, Luthor probably still makes some vague threat, indicating there’s something else worse than him coming.
• The three heroes walk outside, dragging Luthor. They saved the city.
• THE END! No Doomsday, no Death of Superman.
• Post-credits – They get access to Luthor’s archives and find the information he’s been collecting about metahumans. This makes much more sense as an introduction to the other metahumans than Diana clicking on Youtube videos while the main fight is happening. 

This still introduces Wonder Woman in a very similar way, sets up the Justice League movie, even keeps some in the tank for a potential stand-alone Superman sequel (with Doomsday and the death of Superman, at a time when we might care about it), plus it has Superman finishing as a hero (note that the movie as it is (a Superman movie, no less) currently goes like this: Superman is hated, Superman gets beaten up by Batman, Superman dies). He no doubt gets evidence that Luthor was behind the Capitol bombing, exonerating both himself and Bruce Wayne, and getting a bit of public love back. Not only that, it makes Luthor seem more menacing, and the reason behind Batman and Superman’s fighting more makes more sense (plus their reasons for stopping fighting). Lois is less of a damsel in distress, Batman can’t see into the future (but we can keep that future fight scene, which is pretty kick-ass). 

It’s ALL GOOD.

Whaddaya think?

* Spoiler-alert.