Friday, July 31, 2009

Manchester Awe-chestra

First things first: Manchester Orchestra are not from Manchester and are not an Orchestra.
But, man, can they play some tunes!
I blogged about one of their songs recently, but got to see them in the flesh playing many more songs at the HiFi Bar on Monday night. Now, I don't know if this is because I was standing directly under the speakers and about 5 feet from the guitarist, or because I'm just getting super-old (when my Dad was my current age, I was frickin' 12 years old already - get yer calculators out...or your ya-yas...) - but that was possibly the loudest gig I have ever been to. And I'm including in this Metallica, Ministry, Soundgarden, Strangelove, et cetera, et cetera.
Actually, Ministry were pretty bloody loud, too, come to think of it.
But this was bone-jarring stuff.
And fantastic. They made my head go forwards then backwards then forwards again. Repeat.
I agree with what this dwarf had to say about the night in almost every respect.
Get on it, already!
Oh yeah, and Chris Freeman is a psychopath (though he's now shaved his head and bangs his head and plays double drums more than on that youtube video - still, watch from 1:37).

Sunday, July 26, 2009

An unhealthy stuperstition

Just watching the last stage of this year's Tour de Boredom (don't get me wrong, I love the Tour, and have stayed up to watch every stage for the last 3 weeks, but this year, with Cheatador being all-conquering, it's not very exciting...) and I've started thinking about teenagers having sex.
First time, for real!
(An aside - Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen have just, at 11:56pm, agreed with my blog entry about Allan Davies! I didn't know they (or anyone else apart from Fenz) read it! They didn't actually mention the blog, but they were pressed for time - the cyclists are over 80 km from the stage finish, and I'm sure they don't have time to talk about "sources"...)
What I'm thinking is best phrased as a question: Living as you do, being a blog-reader, in the 21st century, if someone you're near starts coughing all over you, do you (a) rely on what science has given us in the last 200 years and get some kind of medical solution to the problem, or (b) turn to religion, and hope that 2000 year old texts can deal with, e.g., H1N5 flu?
Since you can read, I know you'll go with Option A. We've known for about hundreds of years now that religion is no good when it comes to health issues. Being told you're inhabited by seven devils might have been useful 2000 years ago, because people back then were morons, but these days it's not as useful as it used to be.
So. Looking now at teenagers, or anyone else, having sex, which involves a lot more human fluids than coughing on each other (if you're doing it right), I put to you humble blog-reader, should we treat that as a health issue or as a religious issue?
Oh, really? We need to consult our two to four thousand year old texts, rather than the more recent scientific method which has no doubt saved many, many people than religion ever has?
You're an idiot. And your daughter's going to get pregnant to an idiot.
Yes, you.
No, not you - the first guy.
Yeah - you know who I'm talking about, first guy.
You idiot.
PS Go Lance and Cavendish for tonight. That's right. I'm not afraid to pick the outsiders...
PPS Go saints.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Scenic Highway Robbery

Just found out that Tom Boonen has abandoned the TDF due to "intestinal issues", but the question that's not being asked is: what does that mean for Allan Davies?
To ask it more sarcastically, SO glad that Tommy was successful in his appeal against his inability to start in the TDF due to "nosebag issues" the day before the TDF started, only for Aussie Allan Davies to be told he had to go home the day before the TDF, only for Tommy to ride at the back of the peloton for 14 stages, only for Tommy to bail due to his "lack of ability to win anything issues".
Lame.
Lame issues.
And while we're on English-speaking people being robbed (let's have some decorum and not mention all the people English-speaking people rob), Mark Cavendish was totally robbed at the end of Stage 14. From what I've seen, The God of Thunder is also The God of Lame Whingeing, and has cost the Manx Missile a well-deserved jersey.
Though, to be fair, apart from 2006, the handing out of the jersey is often unfair...

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Tour de Gallipoli (et de Farce)

Watching Le Tour right now as I write and you read (assuming you read this in real time, which is, let's face it, impossible), and I've gotta get this off my chest: this Tour is a lot like World War II.
Not just because there's some Germans who want to get to Paris, or the Swiss want to cover themselves in ill-gotten gold (I'm looking at you, Fabian Cancellara). I'm talking about the misuse of Australian bodies.
I knew that the lead-out man for Mark Cavendish was Aussie Mark Renshaw. However, I didn't know until Thor "God of Thunder/Compatriot of Ant-Man" Hushovd won the fifth stage into Barcelona that HIS lead-out man was also an Aussie - Brett Lancaster. So TWO of these supposedly world-class sprinters were really relying on throwing their Colonial Australian Sacrifical Lambs into the trenches before they could claim their own glory in a peculiarly European War.
That's right. They can't do it without their Anzacs.
On top of that, fellow Aussies Michael Rogers and ironically German Heinrich Haussler were injured that very day in the famous Battle for the Spanish Roundabout, which is suspicious to say the least.
And speaking of "least", last but not the, our own General o' the Tour, Cadel Evans, has been fighting bureaucracy and stupidity, and his own Belgians, just to stay in his own position. Sir John Monash, anyone?
(Or maybe, Mel Gibson or that guy with the donkey - Australian History wasn't a priority at my school ... because it was an Australian school.)
Still, the World War II comparison isn't all bad - I'm actually hoping for one other replay of Dubya Dubya Two: let's see if the Americans can come in and save the day, last-minute, annoying everyone with their "will-they-won't-they", we'll-still-charge-you-for-the-privilege, cavalry style. I'm of course referring to Lance Armstrong and Levi Leipheimmer. Surely we can rely on the ANZUS treaty so that these allies/undercover agents can deny Cheatador another victory.
To that end: Go Lance.
I like Lance A Lot.
Boom boom.
PS After last night (being Saturday, as I write, in real time, not fake time), Cancellara is the winner of the ongoing Biggest Cock-Knocker competition, for his petulant demands that Cadel leave the breakaway group that Cancellara had belatedly joined AFTER Cadel basically created it, with Vladimir Efimkin a solid runner-up, for his embarrassing efforts in the breakaways all day, where he did NO WORK all that same day, and then tried to overtake his three fellow breakawayers in the last 3 kms, only to be beaten by ALL THREE of them at the line.
You Cock-Knocker.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm a Rock Star! AKA So let's all get in a (Rock) Fight

This morning I read that the Government is considering banning people from climbing Uluru/Ayers Rock/Uberock (my personal invention and fave), prompting a wave of complaints: Uluru climb ban 'last thing tourism needs'
I used to think that, if I ever got to Uberock, I wouldn't climb it, out of respect for the traditional owners, and because I was self-righteous and judgmental.
However, I now think: It's just a big rock. Sure, the local aboriginal tribes believe it has religious and spiritual significance to them,
such as that "during the time when the world was being formed, the Uluru climb was the traditional route taken by Mala men when they arrived at Uluru" or that it "was built up during the creation period by two boys who played in the mud after rain", but we now know about geology and tectonic movements and evolution and rocket ships, etc. Fact is, their religious beliefs are verifiably untrue. Quaint, yes. True, no.
And I say this to be fair as possible. If I'm going to trash on Judaeo-Christian myths and legends, I can't very well give the Aborigines a free pass, can I? No, you're right, I can't.
(Isn't it nice that I'm no longer self-righteous and judgmental?)
Anyhoo, the Government seems to have stepped away remarkably quickly, with call-back radio all a-flutter and this article appearing that afternoon: Climbdown? Uluru proposal sparks debate
That's because they know Australians are racist and don't care.
But I do.
And one day I'm going to climb it.
And get hit by lightning.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Dude Abides

The fact that something like this exists means for me that humanity is not beyond redemption: http://www.lebowskifest.com/
And don't even get me started on dudeist priests...
Gold.
And for something weird, I just found this:


Monday, July 6, 2009

Le Super-Tired

Le Tour de France has begun!
Simon Gerrans was a surprise omission from Sastre's squad (methinks he was jealous of Gerrans' stage win in the Giro), but apart from that (oh yeah, and Contador's inclusion in Lance Armstrong's squad), it is ALL good.
Yes, EVERYTHING is good.

Oh - and Thomas Dekker getting done for taking EPO, despite not being on Cadel's team when the infraction occurred.
The time trial in Stage 1 around Monaco was great, with our man Cadel hangin' in there only 5 seconds behind Contador and Cancellara taking out a great win. Due to going out on Saturday night, I didn't see this until 5am, and, needless to say, Stage 2 was then tough to watch last night.
But that's ALL GOOD.
Because the Tour is back.
Bon chance, all!
Oh yeah, plus Allan Davis getting told to "Go Home" when Tom Boonen was brought back into his side was harsh, Quick Step, very harsh.
But it's ALL GOOD.

Note: If Contador wins a stage and does his finger pistol thing (instead of, say, pointing at his cock), I will punch the cushions on my couch SO hard.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Oh, when the Saints Go Over There!

My lack of things to rant about didn't last long. Just found out that Raph Clarke has been named in the Saints squad to play Geelong on Sunday.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
I was actually trying to search the net to see if Saints champion Matt "Goose" Maguire had finally been named to play with the seniors this week. I was virtually convinced that, with Max-y Hudghton out, Maguire would finally get recalled.
Instead, I read the bone-chilling news that all-round lower-case goose Raph Clarke had instead been given the job.
The only thing that guy has ever done right was be Xavier Clarke's brother. It's all been downhill since then. Whilst watching a game recently with fellow Saint, Joey Jo Jo Junior (Shabadoo), we agreed that it's a miracle that St Kilda can win any game whilst Raph Clarke is out on the field. When he's out there, it's like adding another player to the opposition's team. We could be 20 goals up, but if Raph Clarke then steps foot on the grass, it could all go Benjamin Button.
And before you think I'm being harsh, check out this, and this and this. That's right - I can selectively link to stuff to show I'm just part of the herd (although his 6 clangers from 7 disposals against North in Round 11 earlier this year speaks for itself).
But even putting Raph Clarke to one side, we've gotta get the Goose back out there. The guy's a dead-set legend (plus he's been a gun at Sandringham lately), and if we don't he may go to a team that actually gives him a game.
I'm not sure if the Saints coaching staff read this blog, so I just might need to put something in writing to them. They love advice like that.
Note: If Raph Clarke gets out on the paddock and plays well on Sunday, this post was a gag. Y'know - "Just messin' with ya, kid, you're all right!"

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Because I said so

No rants today, just some stuff I like (I'm getting soft - I actually like stuff!)
First - great song, with Bears:

Seeing these guys on July 27th at the Hi-Fi Bar. Sweet.
(If you're interested, there's a good explanation for the meaning behind the lyrics here. That rilestar guy blows my mind.)
Second, and in relation to some other stuff I posted a while ago, a classic Star Wars, SNL, O.C. mind-meld:

And that's all I've got for now. Put your feet up, relax. There's plenty of time for proper ranting later.
In the meantime, July the Second be with you (it works better on May 4th).

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Who's Chasing the Chasers?

Borat apparently.
Anyhoo, my recent sojourn meant I missed ranting about The Chaser's naughty episode a few weeks ago.
I actually didn't see that episode, the third in the series I think, mainly because the first two hadn't really been that funny.
Suffice to say, I also didn't think that the dying kids "sketch" was funny ... or necessary ... but I also have the exact same opinion about censorship. If someone makes a joke about dying kids and people are appalled and don't watch any more, as many wowsers who probably weren't watching before have said they will not, then the show will die a natural death and the market will have spoken. No need for the ABC to get all antsy/auntsy, and start firing people and pulling shows off the air.
Someone needs to tell them: "They're only wowsers, Aunty" (except for the people who have actually lost kids to a bad sketch (or whatever, I didn't see it, go ask your father)).
Anyhoo, the 2 week break seemed to do them some good, as I thought their first episode back from exile was eeeexcellent, Mr Burns'-style, much better than the dross they were serving up previously (be interesting to see how they go in tonight's episode).
A gem I thoroughly enjoyed was their lampooning of the Catholic Church's claim that excessive wealth is a sin:

Which brings to mind another recent event involving the Catholic Church, when the Victorian Supreme Court held that the finance arm of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd was "harsh, unreasonable and unnecessary" when it kicked some guy out of his home and sold his home out from under him.
They didn't need to - they were going to get their cash anyway - so I guess they just wanted to.
Ahhhh, Catholics. You guys* are Hilaaarious!
* Disclosure: I am nominally one of those guys, if you believe baptism scars a person ad infinitum.