A week in the life...

This week, Ben Cousins was drafted by Richmond, instead of St Kilda, as he should have been. I struggle to see how we can possibly meet our Drug Addict Cap without him.
But seriously - with the loss of Harves, Cousins would have been a nice consolation prize. Who can possibly step into Banger's shoes now?
And take drugs?
Anyhoo - kudos, Tiges, and good luck.
In other news, a few nice moments from this week’s papers.
First, this from Catherine Deveny, "Most people are idiots - even the ones who agree with me", in which she laments what she sees as a general lack of genuine opinion and ability to engage in serious discussion:

"A woman accosted me the other day and said "I love your writing because I agree with everything you say." That's not a good reason to like someone's writing. There's stuff that's well written that I don't agree with. And stuff that's badly written that I think is right on the money. "He's a crap writer because I don't agree with what he says." What? How threatened are you? "She's a great writer because I agree with everything she says." The fragile ego is fickle and easily stroked...
They say it's impolite to discuss sex, politics and religion. Stuff that. They're the only things worth talking about.
If someone asks for your opinion, chances are they don't want it. They want their opinion. In the same way if a woman asks "Does my bum look big in this?" The answer is always no."

And then there was this gold nugget from Michael Evans, reminiscing about 2008:

"It was the year brokers picked the market bottom with so little accuracy they needed the help of John Hopoate."

Hopoate jokes will never stale.
Finally, the annual Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal has been released, with studies including the negative effects of headbanging as a result of the empirical evidence provided by Beavis and Butthead and Wayne's World:

"The researchers suggest "possible interventions" such as substituting adult-oriented rock such as Michael Bolton, Celine Dion or Enya.
"For example, encouraging bands such as AC/DC to play songs like Moon River... (and) public awareness campaigns with influential and youth-focused musicians such as Cliff Richard."
Associate Professor McIntosh told The Age that the "science is good" because he applied methods used to study sport and motor vehicle accidents."

The fact that "each year serious news outlets fall for the straight-faced press releases put out by the journal in advance of publication, and write them up as fact" cheers me immensely.
Also, found some more blogs to Follow, especially that of The Local Taphouse in St Kilda, and that of Professor Pilsner and the Beer Blokes, who frequent said establishment.
Oh yeah, and in case I don't see ya, Merry Ex-Mas.

Let's believe in nonsense so we can all be offended!

I just read yesterday that Aborigines have been jumping up and down about Nicole Kidman blowing (poorly) on a didgeridoo on a German variety show: Kidman's TV stunt offends
Which brings me to today's particularly un-PC rant: Why are primitive sexist customs considered sacrosanct?
Let's look at this like rational human beings: we are assured that women are prohibited from blowing the didgeridoo.
OK. Why?
Is it because women have traditionally been subjugated by men? Or perhaps something to do with ancient myths and legends about the dreamtime or a big rainbow serpent (e.g., I’ve heard that some Aborigines believe if a woman blows on a didgeridoo she can become infertile), that science can now prove are demonstrably wrong? Oh!! Well, in that case, let’s keep the sexism going then.
Nicole: please stop offending people living in make-believe land by playing the didgeridoo and go back to offending them with your acting.
PS Nah, but seriously Nicole, you’re all right.

Meredith Mud Festival

I heart the Meredith Music Festival. I heart it very much. It is truly the best festival in our great land, and possibly the world. The music, the people, the place, the cans (no glass) are all RIGHT.
Unfortunately, I haven't been for a few years - coincidentally, I also had children a few years ago. But my wife and I planned to finally return to Meredith this year. We were successful in the online ballot. We purchased our tickets. The kids would be dropped off in Geelong (at their grandparents' place, not just randomly dropped off in a regional city on the way). We were going to make a glorious comeback.
And then it all got too hard and we sold our tickets on eBay on Thursday, just in time for some lucky punters to head down on Friday night.
Soaking, soaking Friday night.
Turns out we dodged a very wet bullet: Too big for its gumboots? Meredith festival gets a muddy mosh-pit
It absolutely poured for the entire weekend. In the meantime, we were indoors, doing high-fives. We were going to head out to the Collingwood Children's Farm for the Farmer's Market, but had to cancel due to the downpour, which was a bit of a letdown. But, on the other hand, we weren't caked in mud, and didn't lose our shoes.
That said, apparently Nick had fun at Meredith.
I don't know who Nick is.
This guy also has some good photos.
Nonetheless, not really too many regrets.
What I DO regret, is missing Ween at Golden Plains earlier this year. Although I saw them at the Forum the previous night, Ween in the Supernatural Ampitheatre just seems RIGHT. Here's a bit of them, for your total viewing pleasure:

Incidentally, when I was searching for reviews about this latest 2008 MMF, I came across this one. It wasn't until I was half-way through, when I saw the reference to the Dirty Three, that I thought: "Hang on. I was at that Meredith..." The review was for the 2004 MMF, which also featured a bit of storm action, the last one I went to. I obviously didn't recognise most of the bands, despite being there and (probably) watching them.
And isn't that really what Meredith is all about?
Next year, Aunty, next year.

The Wong Plan

Lazy title, I know, but Labor have really dropped the ball with their climate change plan, released Monday.
As Tim Colebatch, Economics Editor of The Age, said: "AFTER all that, we are more or less back where we started. The Rudd model for tackling climate change now looks remarkably similar to the Howard model from 2007."
Lame, Kevin, lame. And I told him, and Penny Wong and Peter Garrett, so:

Dear Mr Rudd (et al)

This is a very quick bit of feedback about your Government's climate change plan.

Basically - it's lame. REAL lame.

People didn't vote for you to get a lite version of Johnny Howard (actually some may have, but they're lame, too). Climate change represents a real crisis, and some people (preferably the high-polluters) may need to experience some hurt now, so that a whole swag of people don't feel it later.

The climate change plan should encourage real change in attitudes and energy usage and production. It seems that your Government's plan simply redistributes wealth, with a bit of "how's it goin'" on the side. In particular, the cent-for-cent reduction in petrol excise is simply bad policy - and very close to bad Liberal policy at that. If petrol causes global warming - and it does - then the price should go up (and, in fact, it's now a lot lower than it was when the Green Paper was first introduced, anyway). Simple.

I ask that you reconsider this plan, in particular the hand-outs to the big polluters. They must change - and if some of them are dinosaurs, then we (especially the taxpayers) should allow them pass away, so that the new generation of energy users and producers can take their place.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones

If you also want to get involved, maybe check out the Australian Conservation Foundation's website.
And, seriously: “$4.4 billion will be spent to cut petrol taxes by as much as emissions trading raises fuel prices.”
Mental.

Television - the drug of my children

A lot of people say that too much television is bad for children (or, indeed, anyone), but a courageous few believe that television can actually help children - television programs can educate, display the wider world, show what it would be like to interact with other human beings if that ever comes up, and, of course, keep them quiet when they're being annoying.
So we bravely subscribe to the idea that television can be a good thing for our kids (and also Foxtel).
However, just today my son did something for the third time and referred to it as the "third episode". Also, when he wants to repeat something that he has enjoyed like, say, being thrown dangerously high in the air, he has been known to ask us to "rewind that".
But still.
Courage.

Riley: 1, Governor-General: Nil

I originally started this blog with the idea of reprinting some of my rants for public consumption, including older ones, so I thought I'd go back to the future and find a few of my golden oldies (incidentally, also the name of my boxer shorts). This one below is actually one of my favourites.
You see, a few years ago (and you may not remember this), Australia joined with a few other countries in invading Iraq. I know every man and his dog-hawk are piping up with claims that they knew this would be a fiasco long before everyone else, but, like, I totally knew this would be a fiasco before everyone else.
I was quite involved in the anti-war efforts, and one thing I did was send an e-mail to the Governor-General of Australia, which sparked an exchange. This is what started it:

-----Original Message-----
From: Riley Jones
Sent: Wednesday, 15 January 2003 17:38
To: governor-general@gg.gov.au
Subject: The War on Iraq

Dear Sir

I have just CC’d you on an e-mail I sent to every Liberal and National politician sitting in the Australian Parliament as well as the other leaders of the major parties. I feel very strongly about this issue and believe that the politicians who represent ordinary Australians need to know how we feel about our government lying to us and, potentially, sending Australian citizens off to die in a war for American oil interests.

I urge you to read the article by Scott Burchill and to use your powers as Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces to stop this lunacy. The Governor General has great power and with that comes great responsibility. I hate to say it, but if you do not act, it is the same as pulling the trigger.

Thanks for your time.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones

PS I have also attached a document detailing the countries that have acted in contravention of UN resolutions, other than Iraq.

Do you like the Spiderman reference? By the by, the article by Scott Burchill I was referring to was "Counterspin: Pro-war mythology" (originally published 14 Jan 2003).
I then received this reply:

-----Original Message-----
From: Government House [mailto:governor-general@gg.gov.au]
Sent: Monday, 20 January 2003 4:14 PM
To: Riley Jones
Subject: RE: The War on Iraq

Dear Mr Jones

Thank you for your e-mails of 15 January 2003 to the Governor-General expressing your concerns about the possibility of Australia’s involvement in war in Iraq.

Dr Hollingworth appreciates the time and trouble you have taken writing to him about your views.

In relation to your reference to the Governor-General and the armed forces, his role as Commander-In Chief is largely ceremonial or “titular.”

Dr Hollingworth shares the widespread hope that the issues involving Iraq can be resolved through peaceful means. Any decision on the commitment of Australian Forces to the War on Terrorism is, however, under Australian constitutional arrangements, a matter for decision by the elected government of the day.

Yours sincerely

Kevin Davidson

Senior Adviser to the Governor-General

So I opened up a can of Constitution-Ass:

-----Original Message-----
From: Riley Jones
Sent: Monday, 20 January 2003 16:49
To: Government House
Subject: RE: The War on Iraq

Dear Mr Davidson

Thankyou for your reply to my letter and I am pleased to hear that Dr Hollingworth took the time to consider my views. I am also pleased to hear that he hopes that the “issues involving Iraq” can be resolved by peaceful means. I would be even more pleased if he was to make this view public.

With regard to your reply, while I appreciate that the Governor-general’s role is seen as being ceremonial or titular, being a lawyer and having studied constitutional law, I know that is not what our constitution states.

Section 68 of the constitution states: “The command in chief of the naval and military forces of the Commonwealth is vested in the Governor-General as the Queen's representative.”

The government, that is, the party with a majority of seats in the House of representatives, has the power to make laws with respect to “The naval and military defence of the Commonwealth and of the several States, and the control of the forces to execute and maintain the laws of the Commonwealth“ under section 51(vi) of the Constitution.

The executive powers of the government are then exercised by the governor-general and her majesty’s ministers, as enunciated in section 61 of the consititution: “The executive power of the Commonwealth is vested in the Queen and is exercisable by the Governor-General as the Queen's representative, and extends to the execution and maintenance of this Constitution, and of the laws of the Commonwealth.”

Clearly the legislators who drafted the constitution did not see the Governor-General’s role as merely ceremonial, whatever today’s politicians may try to lead us to believe. We can also see that the military forces of our “ally”, the United States, are being directed by our Governor-General’s counterpart – President Bush. Just because tradition dictates that the Governor-General should not use his (or her) power, does not mean that the power does not exist. 1975 taught that to us all.

I would like to reiterate my request to the Governor-General to use his powers on behalf of the Australian people to save us from the actions of a government that appears intent on placing us all in danger.

Thanks again for your time.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones

What a smarmy bastard that Riley guy is.
And did I win him over? Well...not exactly:

-----Original Message-----
From: Government House [mailto:governor-general@gg.gov.au]
Sent: Friday, 24 January 2003 1:25 PM
To: Riley Jones
Subject: RE: The War on Iraq

Dear Mr Jones

Thank you for your e-mail of 20 January 2003. I can only reiterate my previous advice that decisions on the Contingent deployment of members of the Australian Defence Force is a matter for the elected government of the day.

Yours sincerely

Kevin Davidson

Senior Adviser to the Governor-General

Oh really?
The final reply from Riley, to the Governor-General of Australia, the representative of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Whatever.

Oh yes. The Governor-General felt the burn that day.

Epilogue:
Of course, my efforts were all wasted (unless you've enjoyed this exchange right now in the present day, and I suspect you haven't): Australia invaded Iraq, no WMDs were found, our troops are still there, and Peter Hollingworth resigned under a sex scandal cloud (possibly the worst kind of cloud) a couple of months later.
Still, I regard it as a win.

BAM!!

Robert Mugabe: Shark Jumper

I'm calling it!
Robert Mugabe's crass, impolite and...oh yeah...ridiculously murderous and insane regime has finally jumped the shark.
Zimbabwe's former hero turned super-villain has reportedly started arresting his own soldiers because they've been causing a ruckus, I think yelling stuff like "We GOTS to get paid!": Mugabe arrests soldiers
Phew! Not long now. The guy's a clown - one of the scary ones, like Crazy Joe Divola - and needs to go down.