Sunday, December 21, 2008

A week in the life...

This week, Ben Cousins was drafted by Richmond, instead of St Kilda, as he should have been. I struggle to see how we can possibly meet our Drug Addict Cap without him.
But seriously - with the loss of Harves, Cousins would have been a nice consolation prize. Who can possibly step into Banger's shoes now?
And take drugs?
Anyhoo - kudos, Tiges, and good luck.
In other news, a few nice moments from this week’s papers.

First, this from Catherine Deveny, "Most people are idiots - even the ones who agree with me", in which she laments what she sees as a general lack of genuine opinion and ability to engage in serious discussion:
"A woman accosted me the other day and said "I love your writing because I agree with everything you say." That's not a good reason to like someone's writing. There's stuff that's well written that I don't agree with. And stuff that's badly written that I think is right on the money. "He's a crap writer because I don't agree with what he says." What? How threatened are you? "She's a great writer because I agree with everything she says." The fragile ego is fickle and easily stroked...
They say it's impolite to discuss sex, politics and religion. Stuff that. They're the only things worth talking about.
If someone asks for your opinion, chances are they don't want it. They want their opinion. In the same way if a woman asks "Does my bum look big in this?" The answer is always no."
And then there was this gold nugget from Michael Evans, reminiscing about 2008:
"It was the year brokers picked the market bottom with so little accuracy they needed the help of John Hopoate."
Hopoate jokes will never stale.
Finally, the annual Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal has been released, with studies including the negative effects of headbanging as a result of the empirical evidence provided by Beavis and Butthead and Wayne's World:
"The researchers suggest "possible interventions" such as substituting adult-oriented rock such as Michael Bolton, Celine Dion or Enya.
"For example, encouraging bands such as AC/DC to play songs like Moon River... (and) public awareness campaigns with influential and youth-focused musicians such as Cliff Richard."
Associate Professor McIntosh told The Age that the "science is good" because he applied methods used to study sport and motor vehicle accidents."
The fact that "each year serious news outlets fall for the straight-faced press releases put out by the journal in advance of publication, and write them up as fact" cheers me immensely.
Also, found some more blogs to Follow, especially that of The Local Taphouse in St Kilda, and that of Professor Pilsner and the Beer Blokes, who frequent said establishment.
Oh yeah, and in case I don't see ya, Merry Ex-Mas.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Let's believe in nonsense so we can all be offended!

I just read yesterday that Aborigines have been jumping up and down about Nicole Kidman blowing (poorly) on a didgeridoo on a German variety show: Kidman's TV stunt offends
Which brings me to today's particularly un-PC rant: Why are primitive sexist customs considered sacrosanct?
Let's look at this like rational human beings: we are assured that women are prohibited from blowing the didgeridoo.
OK. Why?
Is it because women have traditionally been subjugated by men? Or perhaps something to do with ancient myths and legends about the dreamtime or a big rainbow serpent (e.g., I’ve heard that some Aborigines believe if a woman blows on a didgeridoo she can become infertile), that science can now prove are demonstrably wrong? Oh!! Well, in that case, let’s keep the sexism going then.
Nicole: please stop offending people living in make-believe land by playing the didgeridoo and go back to offending them with your acting.
PS Nah, but seriously Nicole, you’re all right.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Meredith Mud Festival

I heart the Meredith Music Festival. I heart it very much. It is truly the best festival in our great land, and possibly the world. The music, the people, the place, the cans (no glass) are all RIGHT.
Unfortunately, I haven't been for a few years - coincidentally, I also had children a few years ago. But my wife and I planned to finally return to Meredith this year. We were successful in the online ballot. We purchased our tickets. The kids would be dropped off in Geelong (at their grandparents' place, not just randomly dropped off in a regional city on the way). We were going to make a glorious comeback.
And then it all got too hard and we sold our tickets on eBay on Thursday, just in time for some lucky punters to head down on Friday night.
Soaking, soaking Friday night.
Turns out we dodged a very wet bullet: Too big for its gumboots? Meredith festival gets a muddy mosh-pit
It absolutely poured for the entire weekend. In the meantime, we were indoors, doing high-fives. We were going to head out to the Collingwood Children's Farm for the Farmer's Market, but had to cancel due to the downpour, which was a bit of a letdown. But, on the other hand, we weren't caked in mud, and didn't lose our shoes.
That said, apparently Nick had fun at Meredith.
I don't know who Nick is.
This guy also has some good photos.
Nonetheless, not really too many regrets.
What I DO regret, is missing Ween at Golden Plains earlier this year. Although I saw them at the Forum the previous night, Ween in the Supernatural Ampitheatre just seems RIGHT. Here's a bit of them, for your total viewing pleasure:

Incidentally, when I was searching for reviews about this latest 2008 MMF, I came across this one. It wasn't until I was half-way through, when I saw the reference to the Dirty Three, that I thought: "Hang on. I was at that Meredith..." The review was for the 2004 MMF, which also featured a bit of storm action, the last one I went to. I obviously didn't recognise most of the bands, despite being there and (probably) watching them.
And isn't that really what Meredith is all about?
Next year, Aunty, next year.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Wong Plan

Lazy title, I know, but Labor have really dropped the ball with their climate change plan, released Monday.
As Tim Colebatch, Economics Editor of The Age, said: "AFTER all that, we are more or less back where we started. The Rudd model for tackling climate change now looks remarkably similar to the Howard model from 2007."
Lame, Kevin, lame. And I told him, and Penny Wong and Peter Garrett, so:

Dear Mr Rudd (et al)

This is a very quick bit of feedback about your Government's climate change plan.

Basically - it's lame. REAL lame.

People didn't vote for you to get a lite version of Johnny Howard (actually some may have, but they're lame, too). Climate change represents a real crisis, and some people (preferably the high-polluters) may need to experience some hurt now, so that a whole swag of people don't feel it later.

The climate change plan should encourage real change in attitudes and energy usage and production. It seems that your Government's plan simply redistributes wealth, with a bit of "how's it goin'" on the side. In particular, the cent-for-cent reduction in petrol excise is simply bad policy - and very close to bad Liberal policy at that. If petrol causes global warming - and it does - then the price should go up (and, in fact, it's now a lot lower than it was when the Green Paper was first introduced, anyway). Simple.

I ask that you reconsider this plan, in particular the hand-outs to the big polluters. They must change - and if some of them are dinosaurs, then we (especially the taxpayers) should allow them pass away, so that the new generation of energy users and producers can take their place.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones

If you also want to get involved, maybe check out the Australian Conservation Foundation's website.
And, seriously: “$4.4 billion will be spent to cut petrol taxes by as much as emissions trading raises fuel prices.”
Mental.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Television - the drug of my children

A lot of people say that too much television is bad for children (or, indeed, anyone), but a courageous few believe that television can actually help children - television programs can educate, display the wider world, show what it would be like to interact with other human beings if that ever comes up, and, of course, keep them quiet when they're being annoying.
So we bravely subscribe to the idea that television can be a good thing for our kids (and also Foxtel).
However, just today my son did something for the third time and referred to it as the "third episode". Also, when he wants to repeat something that he has enjoyed like, say, being thrown dangerously high in the air, he has been known to ask us to "rewind that".
But still.
Courage.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Riley: 1, Governor-General: Nil

I originally started this blog with the idea of reprinting some of my rants for public consumption, including older ones, so I thought I'd go back to the future and find a few of my golden oldies (incidentally, also the name of my boxer shorts). This one below is actually one of my favourites.
You see, a few years ago (and you may not remember this), Australia joined with a few other countries in invading Iraq. I know every man and his dog-hawk are piping up with claims that they knew this would be a fiasco long before everyone else, but, like, I totally knew this would be a fiasco before everyone else.
I was quite involved in the anti-war efforts, and one thing I did was send an e-mail to the Governor-General of Australia, which sparked an exchange.
This is what started it:

-----Original Message-----
From: Riley Jones
Sent:
Wednesday, 15 January 2003 17:38
To: governor-general@gg.gov.au
Subject: The War on
Iraq

Dear Sir

I have just CC’d you on an e-mail I sent to every Liberal and National politician sitting in the Australian Parliament as well as the other leaders of the major parties. I feel very strongly about this issue and believe that the politicians who represent ordinary Australians need to know how we feel about our government lying to us and, potentially, sending Australian citizens off to die in a war for American oil interests.

I urge you to read the article by Scott Burchill and to use your powers as Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces to stop this lunacy. The Governor General has great power and with that comes great responsibility. I hate to say it, but if you do not act, it is the same as pulling the trigger.

Thanks for your time.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones

PS I have also attached a document detailing the countries that have acted in contravention of UN resolutions, other than Iraq.


Do you like the Spiderman reference? By the by, the article by Scott Burchill I was referring to was "Counterspin: Pro-war mythology" (originally published 14 Jan 2003).
I then received this reply:

-----Original Message-----
From: Government House [mailto:governor-general@gg.gov.au]
Sent:
Monday, 20 January 2003 4:14 PM
To: Riley Jones
Subject: RE: The War on
Iraq


Dear Mr Jones

Thank you for your e-mails of 15 January 2003 to the Governor-General expressing your concerns about the possibility of Australia’s involvement in war in Iraq.

Dr Hollingworth appreciates the time and trouble you have taken writing to him about your views.

In relation to your reference to the Governor-General and the armed forces, his role as Commander-In Chief is largely ceremonial or “titular.”

Dr Hollingworth shares the widespread hope that the issues involving Iraq can be resolved through peaceful means. Any decision on the commitment of Australian Forces to the War on Terrorism is, however, under Australian constitutional arrangements, a matter for decision by the elected government of the day.

Yours sincerely

Kevin Davidson

Senior Adviser to the Governor-General


So I opened up a can of Constitution-Ass:

-----Original Message-----
From: Riley Jones
Sent:
Monday, 20 January 2003 16:49
To: Government House
Subject: RE: The War on
Iraq

Dear Mr Davidson

Thankyou for your reply to my letter and I am pleased to hear that Dr Hollingworth took the time to consider my views. I am also pleased to hear that he hopes that the “issues involving Iraq” can be resolved by peaceful means. I would be even more pleased if he was to make this view public.

With regard to your reply, while I appreciate that the Governor-general’s role is seen as being ceremonial or titular, being a lawyer and having studied constitutional law, I know that is not what our constitution states.

Section 68 of the constitution states: “The command in chief of the naval and military forces of the Commonwealth is vested in the Governor-General as the Queen's representative.”

The government, that is, the party with a majority of seats in the House of representatives, has the power to make laws with respect to “The naval and military defence of the Commonwealth and of the several States, and the control of the forces to execute and maintain the laws of the Commonwealth“ under section 51(vi) of the Constitution.

The executive powers of the government are then exercised by the governor-general and her majesty’s ministers, as enunciated in section 61 of the consititution: “The executive power of the Commonwealth is vested in the Queen and is exercisable by the Governor-General as the Queen's representative, and extends to the execution and maintenance of this Constitution, and of the laws of the Commonwealth.”

Clearly the legislators who drafted the constitution did not see the Governor-General’s role as merely ceremonial, whatever today’s politicians may try to lead us to believe. We can also see that the military forces of our “ally”, the United States, are being directed by our Governor-General’s counterpart – President Bush. Just because tradition dictates that the Governor-General should not use his (or her) power, does not mean that the power does not exist. 1975 taught that to us all.

I would like to reiterate my request to the Governor-General to use his powers on behalf of the Australian people to save us from the actions of a government that appears intent on placing us all in danger.

Thanks again for your time.

Yours faithfully

Riley Jones


What a smarmy bastard that Riley guy is.
And did I win him over? Well...not exactly:

-----Original Message-----
From: Government House [mailto:governor-general@gg.gov.au]
Sent:
Friday, 24 January 2003 1:25 PM
To: Riley Jones
Subject: RE: The War on
Iraq

Dear Mr Jones

Thank you for your e-mail of 20 January 2003. I can only reiterate my previous advice that decisions on the Contingent deployment of members of the Australian Defence Force is a matter for the elected government of the day.

Yours sincerely

Kevin Davidson

Senior Adviser to the Governor-General



Oh really?
The final reply from Riley, to the Governor-General of Australia, the representative of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Whatever.


Oh yes. The Governor-General felt the burn that day.

Epilogue:
Of course, my efforts were all wasted (unless you've enjoyed this exchange right now in the present day, and I suspect you haven't): Australia invaded Iraq, no WMDs were found, our troops are still there, and Peter Hollingworth resigned under a sex scandal cloud (possibly the worst kind of cloud) a couple of months later.
Still, I regard it as a win.

BAM!!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Robert Mugabe: Shark Jumper

I'm calling it!
Robert Mugabe's crass, impolite and...oh yeah...ridiculously murderous and insane regime has finally jumped the shark.

Zimbabwe's former hero turned super-villain has reportedly started arresting his own soldiers because they've been causing a ruckus, I think yelling stuff like "We GOTS to get paid!": Mugabe arrests soldiers
Phew! Not long now.
The guy's a clown - one of the scary ones, like Crazy Joe Divola - and needs to go down.

Friday, November 28, 2008

A Rose by any other name...would still be bit of a tool...

So Axl Rose has finally released the next Guns N'Roses album - Chinese Democracy.
Although the album has been causing problems in China for some reason, it's been causing even more problems in the Greatest Democracy on Earth.
Seems that the good people at Dr Pepper, amused at the amount of time it was taking Axl to release said album, issued a challenge back in March this year, offering to provide everyone in America with a cool can of Dr Pepper if the album was released before the end of 2008.
Because he actually did it, Dr Pepper provided people with an opportunity to download a voucher to get access to one of these prized cans, for a limited time. Seems fair enough in this modern age.
However, according to the New York Times ("Dr Pepper and Rocker in a War of Hype"):
"The arrangement irked fans, who took to the Internet with stories of being blocked for hours from the site and a related customer-service phone line. And that irked Mr. Rose."

So, "Mr. Rose" (if that IS your real name...which it's kinda not but kinda is) then took the logical next step:
"On Tuesday his lawyers sent a harshly worded letter to the soft drink maker complaining of its “appalling failure to make good on a promise it made to the American public,” and demanding a public apology, more time for thirsty fans, and payment for piggybacking on the “Chinese Democracy” publicity."

The lawyers also asked that Dr Pepper run apologetic full-page ads in The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times and other papers, giving customers more time to receive their free soda.
Apparently, similar sentiments spread across Guns N’ Roses message boards:
“If they said they’d give a free can to everyone in America,” one fan wrote, “can they really put a one-day time limit on it? Seems like it’s something that if someone took to court they’d win.”

PLEASE!! I don't normally get legal on anyone's ass on this blog, but I feel I must take my glasses off this once (i.e., like Superman - he was a lawyer, wasn't he?): What cause of action would you bring, sirrah? Breach of contract? Sorry, buddy, for a contract, you’ve got to give something in return. About the only person who MIGHT be able to sue would be Axl Rose himself, and that’s assuming he accepted Dr Pepper’s offer and in return brought the album out by the end of the year in order to meet his end of the bargain. And there’s no indication that he did accept the offer. Certainly, he had no corresponding obligations if he hadn’t brought out the album in time, and it’s going to be tough to prove he’s done anything he wasn’t already going to do.
PLUS, what’s a can of Dr Pepper cost? A dollar?!? Go and buy one yourself, Dr Cheapskate!
That said, you should really drink Mr Pibb, because, when combined with Red Vines, it is indeed Crazy Delicious.
As an aside, I LOVED the Gunners in the 80's, and even a little bit into the 90's, though we all know things started to go south when Izzy left the band. I would still put Appetite for Destruction in my Top Ten Albums of all time. I even participated in the Calder Park debacle in 1993. However, I do not have high hopes for this album. No Slash and no Duff and no Izzy and no Steven Adler makes Axl something-something. But I doubt it's a good something-something.
Anyhoo, now that someone's raised the topic of Top Ten albums, here's mine, as at November 28th, 2008. These are albums that just work, from go to woah.

My Top Ten Albums Of All Time (in no particular order, and subject to change)
Appetite for Destruction – Guns’N’Roses
Chocolate and Cheese – Ween
Either/Or – Elliott Smith
Master of Puppets – Metallica
The Colour and the Shape – Foo Fighters
Odyssey Number Five – Powderfinger (what? Seriously, what?)
Surfer Rosa/Come on Pilgrim – Pixies (it was one album in Australia)
OK Computer – Radiohead
Going Blank Again – Ride
Superunknown – Soundgarden (I know Badmotorfinger is probably cooler, but Superunknown is a great album, cover to cover).

I know all of these albums were recorded between, like 1986 and 1996 (except Odyssey Number Five), but that’s just coincidence, plus the music of my X-Generation was like totally the best.
That said, I’m happy to hear any other suggestions…
As for anyone who wants to diss my selection of "Odyssey Number Five", here's a clip of my fave Powderfinger song, which also happens to be my fave Powderfinger clip, and which also happens to be from "Odyssey Number Five"…

(PS If you want the totally approved version, it's here)

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Democracy inaction in action

A few of my clowny mates have decided to run in the Council elections sweeping Melbourne this weekend, so I thought it was time to give them a plug.
Disclaimer: I can neither confirm nor deny the rumour that the one with the highest number of primary votes will win the noble prize of a slab.
First I'll plug Garpy, running in Maribyrnong, because he has the very easy platform to sell of: "A vote for Garth is a vote for fun!" And that's it!
Check it out
here.
The fact that he's done a preference deal with the former mayor seems to have got a few Maribyrnong noses out of joint: "Preference deal a joke". Surprisingly, on finding out Garth's position on fun, the former mayor was reportedly embarassed.
Speaking of embarassed, the other plug is for Joey Jo Jo, running in Richmond, and who seems to be taking it a little more seriously than is healthy. Without such a punchy campaign slogan, he hasn't been getting as much press as Garp, though he sent us this appearance in the Melbourne Times, when he actually turned up to a debate (possibly about mancans, I'm not sure about the specifics):

I might be helping hand out some how-to-vote cards for him Saturday, if I can't otherwise get out of it...
As suggested by a friend of the Rant, Mr Wendt, I will explain Joey's policies as "A vote for Joey is a vote for not Garth".
So there we go.
I nominate Garth as the Barack Obama of these elections, and Joey as the John McCain. Just because Joey is taking things as seriously as a hundred-year old man.
Get out, or stay at home, and vote, or don't.
PS I should point out there is no ranting in this post, so this could well be my first anti-rant...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Facebook, Shmacebook

Never really been a fan of Facebook - seems to demand an incredible amount of time just to receive imaginary drinks and get bitten by imaginary zombies, and I've got better things to do with that time.

Such as drink real drinks and get bitten by real zombies. Not to mention updating my blog - whew, now that's time-wasting!

A friend recently sent me this video, which highlights some of the other dangers that Facebook presents.

(I should perhaps mention he sent it to me on Facebook...)


Anyhoo, I'm currently working on getting my blog onto my Facebook page.
That would be sweet.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I don't want to say "I told ya so". But I just can't help myself.

A quick mini-rant: a while ago, I suggested that the State Labor Governments around Australia could be in trouble, especially that of my home state of Victoria.
Well, it looks like others are now adding to the chorus: Brumby and his crew face testing times.
Plus the NSW Labor Government is looking even more dodgy than usual, and their latest mini-budget is, with all due respect, an absolute shocker. As Ross Gittins recently said in the Sydney Morning Herald:
"THIS mini-budget is a sham. It purports to be about responding to the severe downturn in the NSW economy, but will in fact make things worse."
Assuming they all go down in the next set of elections, well, let's just say it couldn't happen to nicer clowns...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ye of little to no faith

Went to an Atheist Society meeting last night.
I'd never been to one before, but it sounds fun, right? As the guest speaker, Catherine Deveny of The Age, said (and I paraphrase), since atheists have, like, no morals, an Atheist Society meeting should be Debauchery Central.

Alas, it was a sedate affair, and I actually went on my lonesome because I am a lonely heathen.
Catherine was speaking about her "Conversion to Atheism" though she remarked that it wasn't so much of a conversion as a very gradual process - an evolution, if you will - with an eventual realisation that she was simply an atheist. She's a very good speaker by the by, and though I disagree with some of her columns, I can't fault her convictions.
One of the questions asked of her, in response to her stated reliance on rational thought, was "What about faith, then?", which prompted the query "Can someone please explain to me what "faith" is?" to much laughter.

Having thought about it, though, here's my definition: "Faith" is the stubborn willingness to believe in nonsense despite all evidence (especially new and emerging evidence) to the contrary.
Whaddaya think? Dictionary material?

Also, speaking of complete lunacy, some more religious nuts have come out of the woodwork lately, claiming they don't have to obey Australia's laws: Defiant cult 'above the law'. I don't know what they base this on, but to throw a bit of scripture* their way, they should check out Luke 20:25:
"21 And they asked him, saying, Master, we know that thou sayest and teachest rightly, neither acceptest thou the person of any, but teachest the way of God truly: 22 Is it lawful for us to give tribute unto Caesar, or no? 23 But he perceived their craftiness, and said unto them, Why tempt ye me? 24 Shew me a penny. Whose image and superscription hath it? They answered and said, Caesar's. 25 And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar's, and unto God the things which be God's."
That's right, Jesus says "Pay your bloody taxes!"

* For those who don't know, "scripture" is a reference to the collected writings of other, and older, unsophisticated religious nuts, generally of Middle Eastern extraction, mostly written to justify their beliefs and their place in society, often for political purposes. The Onion did it best:
Mistranslated Myths Of Nomadic Desert Shepherd Tribe Taken At Face Value

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Wrong slide of the tracks

Had another bike accident Friday - ho hum - this time I slid out on some wet tram tracks on St Kilda Road. Not a great idea when it's raining at 5:30pm on a Friday evening, especially in light of what happened to that poor girl in the city a couple of months ago, but luckily there were no cars...or trams...in my immediate vicinity when I crashed into and then slid across the bitumen.

Hurt, though. And the fact that I was only 500 metres from work, and had a long ride home ahead of me, didn't help matters. Check out the colourful after-effects in this risque shot of my leg:


Anyhoo, it got me thinking about the similarities between me and Tour de France legend Cadel Evans - no surprises there, really.

Not that I've been the Tour runner-up two years in a row (yet), but the similarities with the grazes on our arzes. He had a crash early in the 2008 Tour, and though he recovered well, he commented that it affected his performance throughout the race and possibly cost him the Tour. Lying on my couch every night throughout the Tour, I struggled to empathise with him, but this has now changed after my relatively minor crash on Friday. It actually hurts! Who would thunk it?!?


Good on Cadel for keeping second place, I say (again, but This Time With Feeling).

Speaking of cycling, when I was watching the 2008 Vuelta highlights on SBS, I really liked the Spanish song used for the intro, but there was no indication what it was or who sung it. Rising to the challenge and using my very limited Spanish and a search engine by the name of Google (I'm a maverick), I tracked it down. For those who are interested - it's Pretendo Hablarte by Beatriz Luengo (note that this is a (good) weird clip, and the song doesn't actually start until around 2:10 in):

Veeerry nice.

PS I'll admit the version of the song above is a little choppy, so you can see the official version here, too (couldn't embed it here, but...)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Now, back to the wa(r)ll

Had a little too much alkeehol last night, celebrating The Win. It was a glorious thing to watch. But now reality must once again stick its rude nose into our lives.

I've finished travelling around the country for work, at least for now, so it's good to be back home and rant a little. One thing which almost got by me was Paul Keating's comments regarding Gallipoli, which led to an outpouring of criticism of our beloved ex-PM (although I'll admit that I didn't truly belove him until he was an "ex"...). One of his most vociferous critics was not yet ex-PM Kevin Rudd, who also admitted that he didn't know exactly what Keating had said, but nevertheless disagreed with the gist of what he meant, no doubt.

While I understand what Keating was getting at - which I think was basically a rejection of the idea that Australia needed something like a Gallipoli to find its own identity - I still think visiting Gallipoli can be a profoundly moving experience.

Not to mention cheap.

I was fortunate enough to hit Gallipoli on Anzac Day in 2002, and waiting with thousands of Aussies and Kiwis in the cold pre-dawn during April on a Turkish beach, with the cliffs rising above
and behind us, really drove home how forbidding and scary the whole situation must have been for our boys. And that was without being shot at which, I imagine, could only worsen the situation.

Yes, it's true that Winston Churchill, responsible for the Gallipoli plan, bollocksed it up and wasted many Australian lives in a conflict that had more to with Imperial ambitions than defence of Australian (or even British) lives, but that doesn't mean that visiting Gallipoli is a wasted exercise. Should we only visit war sites where the Australians won? Or perhaps sites where we achieved something like peace?

BORING!

Gallipoli is an excellent movie with a pre-anti-semitic Mel Gibson, and we should be proud of our links to it.

Plus, Turkey is a really cheap country to visit.

PS The title of this post is an homage to Moe Szyslak's famous line from "Krusty Gets Kancelled", as if you didn't already know.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I rant. You (if you're American) decide!

It's ironic that, whilst the US has so much influence over the rest of the world (and is likely to continue to do so for at least another year or so), that same rest of the world has no say over the US's leadership, YET the American people themselves can be fairly apathetic about voting, with voter turnout under 50% not being uncommon, and even those who do vote seem to know less about the issues than we foreigners do. As merely one example, and as George Monbiot pointed out on the weekend, two-thirds of young Americans can't find Iraq on a map, one adult in five believes the Sun revolves around the Earth, and only 26% accept that evolution takes place by natural selection. Exclamation point, exclamation point.

Nonetheless! Today's the day (at least, in Australia, being on the other side of the International Date Line) that America will finally decide on it's future. Change, or more of the same. Actually, as Nobel Prize winning economist and writer for the New York Times, Paul Krugman, wrote a little while ago:
"(N)ow the team that hopes to form the next administration is running a campaign that makes Bush-Cheney 2000 look like something out of a civics class. What does that say about how that team would run the country?

What it says, I’d argue, is that the Obama campaign is wrong to suggest that a McCain-Palin administration would just be a continuation of Bush-Cheney.

If the way John McCain and Sarah Palin are campaigning is any indication, it would be much, much worse. "

Yes, McCain used to be OK, and it's a real shame that he wasn't chosen over Dubya in 2000, but it's now 8 years later...and he's a clown.

It's now Obama O'Clock.

Barack, I kindly ask that you Bring It.

Do us proud, our Septic cousins!


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Paid to Pray

In Newcastle on Monday (still travelling for work), I was reading their local rag - the Newcastle Herald - and was surprised to discover that our politicians start every Parliamentary session with "The Lord's Prayer" ("Heaven forbid pulping the prayer" - this story has also appeared in other rags, too).

It's not like they're wasting enough of our money, they also need to take time every day, time that we're paying for, to mouth platitudes to their Imaginary Friend as well?

"Oh Christian God, apart from all that bad stuff you're responsible for, you're so great!! PLEASE, PLEASE make my life better, it kind of sucks. Amen" (I've paraphrased it somewhat - there's a better analysis of the prayer, and Malcolm Turnbull's justification for keeping it, here).

Anyhoo, Bob Brown wants to replace it with a moment of quiet reflection. Seems perfectly reasonable, particularly in our multi-denominational country, with a supposedly secular Government.

I'll pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, see if he can't sort this out.

Or maybe the Boognish.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I know you are, but what am I?

I feel I must take issue with my man, Josh K.

In the last episode of Boxcutters, he stated that, these days, Saturday Night Live is not funny.

I beg to differ.

And my argument shall take the form of a series of video clips, collected from a series of tubes.

Check it (Yank ads and all, from the official site, no less).

For the next one, watch this clip from The OC first (unless you've seen the end of the second season already) - you can skip and watch from around 1:30 if you're short of time, you busy bee.

Then this bit o' gold, parodying the above:

I rest my case (assuming you could you view them - if you couldn't see the last one, try googling "Dear Sister" and SNL...)

And I didn't even have to resort to the Feylin stuff...

PS I know SNL isn't always the funniest thing on TV, but Andy Samberg, Fred Armisen, Maya Rudolph and Kenan Thompson, to name a few, are the mutha 'uckin' bomb, yo.

PPS If you think this post is just an excuse to post my favourite SNL moments, well that's just, like, your opinion, man.

PPPS You make a good point - I might need to look at less transparent ways of writing about stuff I like, rather than just ranting about stuff I don't. Maybe it's time I invented the anti-rant?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

And justice for the rich, white sportsmen

So, it looks like Wayne Carey is allowed to assault police officers with impunity.
Sorry, I should mention he did get punished – it cost him a $500 donation…
I'm assuming that if he was poor black man who assaulted two of Miami's finest, he also would have got away with no conviction? Or would he have received the 15 year maximum jail term that was on the table?
Hmmm...
(I use both types of argument in this piece: sarcastic AND rhetorical...)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Fat shall inherit my seat

So, still travelling for work, and I’m actually currently ranting from sunny Brisbane, where the Australia v Qatar game is underway as I write. I went on a pub crawl by myself – purely to test out Brisbane’s various English and Irish themed pubs and their beers, not to invite accusations of alcoholism – and got to hang out with a hundred drunk Australians all wearing, saying and drinking the same things at the Pig & Whistle on the Brisbane River. Brings a sarcastic tear of nationalistic pride to my eye…

Anyhoo, flew back to Melbourne from Sydney two nights ago, and managed to get on to an earlier flight and still get an exit-row seat, about which I was very chuffed (clumsy, but I think that’s grammatically correct. Should I have said "chuffed, was I"? Or that it chuffed me? That my chuff levels were increased? WHAT THE HELL IS “CHUFF”?!?!)

But then, as I approached my seat, my chuff levels noticeably decreased. Sitting in the chair next to mine, and overflowing a little into it, was one of those obese people one hears so much about.
I’d got the leg room I’d been so concerned about, but had clearly needed to sacrifice some arm and other-body-parts room in the process.

In inverse proportion to my reduction in chuff, I felt an increase in irrational anger. How dare this guy that I don’t know and who might be quite nice but who has obviously eaten one (hundred) too many hamburgers impinge on my personal comfort for an hour-and-a-half or so? And I don’t want to hear about hormones and gland problems meaning some people can’t help it if they’re Fat. That just means they need to go for a walk and eat less cheese than the rest of us. AND pay for two seats, or sit in Business Class, when they catch a plane. What’s that you say? It’s unfair that due to a health issue they need to expend more money than other persons not subjected to said health issue? Well, I’m short-sighted, and I need to pay for glasses and/or contact lenses (especially replacements when I have also paid for alcohol and a ticket to a TISM concert). Boo-hoo! I pay it, complain a little, and move on! Why are Fat people so special?!? Why do they get special politically-correct terms like “Biggest Loser” when we visually-impaired people have to play the cards we were dealt? Just because there’s more of them than us?!?!?

So I sat next to this Brontosaurus a little peeved.

And then he made it worse.

He asked for his specially-ordered salad when the food cart came around and, when told that due to his change in planes there was no salad, no salad today, he simply asked for an orange juice.

Oh right! Way to make me feel bad for my prejudicial and judgmental view of you!! Like, it’s my fault, and the fault of slim people and magazine editors everywhere, that Fat people get such a raw deal in our society, and you’re really trying to improve yourself.

The nerve.

To add insult to inability-to-use-the-arm-rest injury, he struck up a conversation with the air steward and seemed like a really nice guy.

So I’m the cock, now?

Got home all right, though. Drank about 10 HighTail Ales and ate some corn chips.

Slim King.